Time Out of Mind
by kittyb90
Summary: COMPLETE! Chapter 11 is up. Faith travels back in time to prevent a terrible disaster. AU set after season two. Read and review.
1. Prologue

Time Out of Mind

Author: kittyb90

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Summary: All events up through season 2 happened, but AU after that.

Reviews: I absolutely _love them!_

Prologue

So much of her time and energy had gone into the planning of this that she hadn't taken time to consider the reality of actually _doing it. She was scared and nervous and she felt a little sick, but there was really no other option; she was the only one left. The only one left who could change what had happened. She stood staring into the portal that would take her to the beginning of a new future, a future where everyone she cared about hadn't died._

There was no coming back; if things went as she had planned this place, this future, would no longer exist. _She might not even exist in that new future, or at least not the person she was now; the possibilities always screwed with her mind. This trip wasn't about her though. She didn't really care whether or not she survived; she had always known she'd go down fighting. She'd just never been sure which side she'd be on. No, this trip was for them._

She took a deep breath, trying to build up the bravado she'd always worn like a mantle. She thought of them, of seeing all of them alive again and smiled slightly. She turned to survey her surroundings one last time and then Faith spun around and took a running leap through the portal and into the past.

TBC

_I know this was a short beginning, but that was intentional. I'll post the first actual chapter soon._


	2. Awakening

Time Out of Mind

By kittyb90

Awakening

            She felt like she was coming out of a deep sleep. Her eyelids slowly fluttered open and she found herself staring at a beautiful clear blue sky. Although the sun was bright and warm a cool breeze blew over her coaxing her flesh into a shiver, raising goose bumps all over her body. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath pulling in the scent of freshly cut grass, sharp and sweet. There was a hint of lilac and the smell of a charcoal grill. She smiled; someone was having a cookout. She opened her eyes to the sky again and her smile turned into a frown of confusion. Why was she lying on her back? She quickly pulled herself upright. She was in a small park which, luckily, was empty of any other people. Everything was so quiet. _Too quiet, she thought nervously. She cleared her throat and made a noise to test her theory and as she suspected she heard only silence. She felt a panicky sensation clawing at her gut. Why couldn't she hear? She stood up, turning slowly to take in her surroundings. Her panic was spreading, threatening to take over, causing her heart to pound and sweat to trickle down her back. A wave of dizziness passed over her and she dropped to her hands and knees feeling nauseous; suddenly the sound rushed back and for a moment it was deafening. Soon it evened out and she could hear again; children laughing and playing in the distance, leaves rustling in the trees, birds chirping, a plane overhead. She shook her head, confused. She figured the temporary deafness and the nap in the grass were the result of her trip through the portal, but it had been unexpected to say the least. She noticed a dog several feet away staring at her and bared her teeth with a growl. It whimpered and ran off bringing a smile to her lips. She got to her feet again; she needed to find out if she was in the right time and place and get on with her plan. She took off down the street and headed into town._

            Everything looked so different. So much of this town had been destroyed in her time; it seemed so strange to see the streets and stores filled with people, everything teeming with life. It would all come to an abrupt end if she wasn't able to fix the mistakes she had made. All these people gone in an instant; it made her head hurt to think about all the things she'd done wrong in her position as Slayer. She noticed a small convenience store on the right and walked inside, scanning the interior for a newspaper or magazine rack. She spotted one in the corner and rushed over to grab a paper. _1998. The year she came to Sunnydale; she glanced back at the date. Wow, the __day she came to Sunnydale; that portal had been real damn accurate, but that meant she better stay out of sight. She wouldn't want to run into herself; she didn't know for sure, but she figured there was no way that could be good. She put the paper back on the shelf and thought back to how it had all started._

**1998**

_            She had come to Sunnydale with a chip on her shoulder, expecting a bit of competition from the resident Slayer only to find that Miss Buffy Summers had run off a few months before and no one had seen or heard from her since. The friends she left behind were open and friendly and Faith hadn't trusted them a bit, not at first. Nobody was that nice without wanting something in return. The Watcher was great; Faith knew she'd never replace his precious Buffy, but he was a good man and he tried to help her and keep her safe. Xander was always trailing around after her trying to "help" which didn't really make his girlfriend too happy, but Faith had never concerned herself with worrying over someone else's love life. He had filled her in on the whole Buffy/Angel saga, hitting all the high points and making excuses for Buffy leaving and being gone so long. Which was why it was so surprising to run into Angel on patrol one night; she wouldn't have known it was him, except that __Willow__ was with her when he attacked. He had been like a wild animal, vicious and primitive. The next night Faith had hunted him with single minded intensity, tracking him for miles before she found him. He had fought with the grace and skill of a beast, but in the end she had killed him._

            That had been her first mistake in Sunnydale, although she hadn't discovered that until much later. At the time she'd been very proud of her kill; she had managed to best Angelus, a worthy opponent no matter what state he was in. She needed to head out to the mansion and set up a base of operations. She didn't know when exactly Angel would show up, but she needed to be prepared so that she could catch him and keep him from attacking Willow and her past self so he wouldn't be killed. If Faith saw him she'd hunt him down like a dog. She stopped short. She'd just thought of herself in the third person; it was decidedly weird. She shook her head and moved on; she had a lot of work to do if she was going to change the course of history.

            When she got to the mansion she barely recognized it. Of course in her time this place had been torn apart and the mansion rebuilt so it wasn't too unusual that it looked different. She had stocked up on food and supplies when she was in town so she set about making herself a home. She was probably going to be here for awhile so she better get comfortable. She didn't exactly enjoy being alone in this place; it was eerily silent and memories of happier times filled her head, bringing on a sense of melancholy. She hated getting lost in thought and drowned in memories; she was supposed to be a bad ass. Bad asses didn't get the blues; they drank and fought and cared for no one but themselves. But that hadn't been an apt description of her in a long, long time, and she'd about given up on ever climbing out of her depression. Maybe this mission to the old days would prove successful and give her a new outlook on life. She had her doubts, but she had to give it a shot. It was either this or do herself in and suicide just wasn't in her nature.

            That night Faith spread out her sleeping bag and kicked back with a good book, but it didn't hold her interest for long and she drifted off to sleep. She jerked awake sometime later, unsure what had awakened her. She rubbed her eyes groggily as she stood and wandered into the main room. She opened her eyes and noticed a beam of light that seemed to be coming from nowhere. She began to walk closer when the whole room was filled with blinding light. She cried out as she stumbled backward covering her eyes. There was a thud and after a moment Faith braved a look and saw that the room had darkened again. She moved her hands to view the room fully and gasped in shock when she saw a man laying on the floor, a very _naked man. She edged closer trying not to startle him and wondering where in hell he'd come from. He lifted his head and she stopped in shock. __Angel! Had he ridden in on that flash of light? This was all too bizarre; she had expected to see him sometime soon, but she'd never really given any thought to how he had gotten back from whatever hell dimension Buffy had sent him to. And she certainly hadn't expected him to drop down in the middle of her home although, to be fair, it __had been his home first._

            She jumped back slightly when he swung around to look at her. He looked like he was in pain and not quite aware of his surroundings. She stood there watching him for a long time before she snapped to and realized that now would be a really good time to chain him up. Right now he was weak and disoriented, but soon he'd be vicious and hard to control. Better to get it done now when there wasn't much chance of him running off and getting himself killed. She ran and got some chains, looking around for a good spot to hook him to. She stopped when she saw what she needed and tested it for sturdiness; it would hold. She managed to pull Angel over and secure him, but as she stood back and took in his nakedness again she thought maybe she should see if she could find him some pants. She wandered through the rooms and found some clothes that had probably been left behind when Angel had gone to hell and everyone else left. She sorted through them finding a nice pair of leather pants and tossed them aside; there was no way she was gonna try and wrestle him into those. She found a pair of looser fitting pants that looked like they might fit and figured they would have to do.

            It was a good thing that he was too weak to put up much of a struggle or she never would have gotten the pants on. As it was it took her about twenty minutes of twisting and turning and lifting and pulling before she managed to work the damn things into place. It was odd to be putting a man's pants _on; she was more used to helping to take them off. That brought a brief smile to her lips but it quickly faded at the thought of the man whose pants she'd had the most practice removing. He had died just like the rest of them and she hadn't even been there to prevent it. She often wondered if she could have saved him if only she hadn't gotten angry and left that night. She sat down across from Angel and watched him as she sank into a morass of guilt and sadness. She knew she would have to pull herself out of it and deal with Angel once he got his strength back, but in the meantime she allowed herself a moment of weakness. Tears drifted silently down her face and Angel stared back at her, a low growl emanating from his throat as they both waited._

            Faith had dozed off while she sat waiting and as her eyes slowly opened she found her self face to face with Angel. She yelped and tried to push herself further into the wall behind her back. He snarled at her and she wondered why he hadn't killed her in her sleep, but then she noticed that he hadn't actually gotten loose. His arms were stretched taut behind him as he leaned out as far as his restraints would allow. He was able to get very close, but not close enough to bite or touch. She must have been really out of it when she had chained him up earlier; she should have checked the reach first thing. She was lucky she wasn't dead. Her mind wandered slightly as she wondered whether her death would activate a new Slayer in this time or the future, but she quickly shook herself out of her pointless musings. She needed to get up and shorten the chains without getting hurt by Angel. He continued to growl and snarl in her face as she sat there trying to figure out what to do. He held her eyes with his and she wondered if it was possible to become mesmerized by the intensity of one's expression alone. His gaze shot to her hand as she lifted it and he watched suspiciously as she reached slowly toward his face. When her fingertips gently stroked his cheek his growl grew louder, but he didn't attack. She stroked his hair and he moved slightly, like an animal being petted. She edged forward, attempting to get up and he retreated warily giving her the room she needed. When she had gotten to her feet she touched his cheek one last time before stepping quickly back out of the way. As soon as she took her hand away Angel snarled and lunged toward her, his chains pulling tight. He was intimidating and her heart pounded in fear even though she knew he couldn't reach her. Odd that he had been so calm before when he was so obviously agitated now. She decided to shorten the chains when he fell asleep; for now she planned on giving him a wide berth.

            She fixed herself something to eat, keeping an eye on him as she moved about the mansion, and he watched her, too. She figured he might be hungry. It would probably be safe to go into town for blood during morning school hours. Xander, Willow, Oz and Cordelia should be in class and her past self would most likely still be in bed asleep; it was doubtful she would run into anyone who knew her. She finished her food and sat down with the book she had retrieved from her makeshift bedroom to wait for Angel to go to sleep.

            For days they followed the same routine. She would bring him blood and he would sit quietly and watch her as she went about her daily activities. Some days he would allow her to actually feed the blood to him, but other days he'd hiss and growl and she'd set the blood near him and move quickly away. It had been about two weeks and she was running low on supplies so she headed into town to restock and pick up some blood. She grabbed a few new magazines while she was there; with nothing to do but train and hang around she was going a little stir-crazy. Maybe reading would take her mind off her boredom. When she got back she put stuff away on some shelves she'd been using as a sort of pantry. She turned to take the blood to Angel and found him watching her alertly, and she stopped for a second. Something seemed different. When he stood up she realized what it was; the chains were no longer holding him. She wondered how he had managed to get free and then she wondered why he wasn't attacking her. She backed up a step but then froze when he said,

            "Who are you?" She stared at him in shock, unable to do anything but blink.

            "You- you can talk!"

            "Who _are you?" He sounded like it was painful for him to speak. "And why are you taking care of me?" She walked forward slowly and handed him the blood. He looked down at her outstretched hand for a moment before hesitantly taking the cup. Instead of immediately feeding he just clutched the cup and watched her, waiting for a response._

            "That's kind of a long story. Maybe you should go ahead and eat and then I'll explain." She turned and headed into the other room. Angel glanced at the blood he was holding then pulled off the lid and drank as he slowly followed her.

TBC

_Hope you like it!_


	3. Sufferance

Time Out of Mind

kittyb90

Sufferance

            They sat at the table staring at each other for a long time, sizing each other up. He was a lot bigger than she remembered all broad shouldered and tall. It was a little intimidating facing that stare of his. Dark and penetrating, he didn't even blink as he watched her impassively. She found herself feeling the familiar pull of attraction; it was slight but it was there and she pushed it angrily from her mind. She belonged to someone else and Angel belonged to Buffy; she had no right to feel even a hint of…anything towards him. She ducked her head to look at the table where she was twisting her hands nervously. She knew she should begin the explanations, but her mouth had gone dry and she was finding it difficult to speak. She wished Angel would say something to break the tension, but he was probably waiting for her to go first. She glanced up to find him looking a little frightened and wary, and realized he was just as unsure as she was.

            "I, uh, suppose you're waiting for an explanation," she began haltingly. He just looked at her silently so she continued, "The first thing I should tell you is that my name is Faith and I'm a Slayer. I was called when Kendra was…when Kendra died. But I'm not supposed to be here." She took a deep breath. "I'm from the future." His eyes widened fractionally, but still he said nothing. "I made a lot of mistakes since I was called and a lot of them had a horrible effect on the future. I was given the opportunity to…change some things, and so…here I am." She waited for a response, but he just continued to stare. She was confused; she knew he could speak. Was he like a moron or something? She started to get really nervous again, and then he leaned forward and said,

            "But why are you taking care of me?" She met his eyes again and reached out for his hand. He allowed her to touch him, but he had an odd look on his face.

            "The first mistake I made was here in Sunnydale. I killed you. I didn't know that you had your soul; I just knew the story of what you had done and that you were like a vicious animal when Willow and I ran into you. I found out later that you might have been instrumental in stopping…" she paused and looked away, "something that should never have happened." As she watched, a shadow crossed his face and she knew instinctively what his thoughts had turned to. He pulled his hand back slightly before asking,

            "What happened to Buffy?"

            "She left town after…everything and she hasn't come back yet."

            "But she does come back eventually?" Faith leaned back with a sigh and told him the story.

**1999**

_            She had been fighting the fight, starting to trust the new friends she had made; she'd even helped stop an apocalypse. There had been some trouble in paradise for the two couples of the group. She wasn't too clear on the details, but Xander and Cordelia had split for good and __Willow__ and Oz managed to work through it after some time apart. They had just found out that the mayor was up to no good when Buffy came back. Faith hadn't exactly liked her; she was an uppity bitch but great in a fight. When she came back it was like everyone forgot Faith for awhile, and she had been hurt and confused. She'd been here all along helping them, working with them while Buffy had deserted them without explanation, but as soon as their golden girl came back they ran to her with open arms! Faith had made a decision to go undercover and work with the mayor, mostly to find out how to stop him but also to prove her worth to the other. It had almost backfired._

_            The mayor treated her with respect, he made her feel special. Up to that point in her life she had never had that. Buffy's friends had made her feel welcome and accepted for a time, but their rejection, or what she perceived to be rejection, of her in favor of their "real" friend had stung and she wasn't sure she trusted them. As she spent more and more time with the mayor she grew to love him like a father and she found herself torn between her Slayer duties and her feelings for a man she knew to be evil. In the end she had done the right thing and fought alongside Buffy against the mayor. They had defeated him, but Buffy had died that day. It had been a sad time for everyone and Faith had felt particularly guilty because of her ambiguous feelings toward the mayor._

            She had always wondered if a small part of her hadn't been in the fight, and if that was what had gotten Buffy killed. But there was no way to ever know for certain, and she'd lived with that uncertainty every day of her life since then. She looked up to find Angel watching her sadly.

            "It's not the main reason I saved you, but maybe you could change the outcome of that day," she said trying to erase the sadness from his eyes. "She's the one that told us about your soul. About how the spell worked before she…well, you know." She was quiet for a moment before saying, "I think on some level she never forgave me for killing you." She was getting fidgety again; she wasn't used to being around someone so silent and brooding. She was more familiar with verbal sparring and a smartass attitude, things that she had grown to love over the course of a few short years. She wished she would stop thinking about him. All it did was cause her pain and distract her from her mission, but then he'd always accused her of being too hard, too caught up in the job. That was one of the many things they had fought about the night she'd left and she wished with all her heart that she had just given into his demands for once rather than being so stubborn. Things might have been so different…

            "Are you alright?" Angel asked quietly and her eyes snapped up to his as she was jerked from her reverie.

            "Uh, yeah, fine. Just got sorta lost inside my head there for a minute." She ran her hands roughly through her hair as she tried to slip back into her take charge persona, but she felt more like a fragile child and she hated it.

            "How far back did you come?" Angel wanted to know.

            "Five years? No, six; I'm from '04." She looked at Angel for a long time, but she couldn't tell what he was thinking. "So. Any questions? Comments? I can't take much more of this whole…inscrutable thing you got going on." She was surprised to see the smallest hint of a smile drift briefly across his face.

            "It's a lot to take in. I'm still in pain from my little…vacation and then I find a stranger from the future is taking care of me. A stranger who, apparently, has saved me from being killed by herself. I'm still working through all the details in my mind so forgive me if I'm not feeling real chatty." He didn't sound angry, but Faith felt the bite of his words nonetheless. She stood up and shoved her chair under the table.

            "Look, I didn't mean you should be jumping for joy and treating me like your new best friend. I'm just not good at figuring people out in the first place and you…you're just completely unreadable." She strode toward the door and after she had left he said softly,

            "You're not so…"readable" yourself."

            The next several days were odd; they both kept mostly to themselves. She still brought him blood and sometimes when he had nightmares she would watch over him as he slept, but she was pretty sure he didn't know about that and the rest of the time they barely spoke. It was weird; she was basically living with this guy, but the mansion remained as silent as when she had been alone. But she didn't feel alone. His presence was unmistakable; she could feel him moving around the place even when she couldn't see him. She felt herself being drawn to him and she resisted the feeling desperately. He wasn't for her. God! He wasn't even her type. She considered him an enigma and she had never been a fan of mysterious guys, or mysterious people in general. She preferred things up front and out in the open which is probably why she had liked Anya so much…

_Because of the debacle between Xander and Cordelia, Anya came to town as a vengeance demon named Anyanka. She lost her powers somehow and was forced to remain in human form. She had a crush on Xander for awhile, but after graduation he and Cordy got back together so she was out of luck in that department._

_Faith ran into her a few times and they struck up a tentative friendship. She liked that Anya said whatever was on her mind. No subterfuge, no mind games, just a forthright manner and a quirky sense of humor. Anya was always there for her, no matter what the problem was and she was one of the few people that Faith truly cared about. _

Anya had developed quite an affection for Giles, as did most people who knew him, and Faith had urged her to pursue the relationship. They had gotten married the year before everything had gone horribly wrong. They had been a stabilizing force in her life and she missed them fiercely. The thought of them still caused an unbearable ache of loss in her heart.

            She wondered what Angel did all day…or night or whatever; he was probably thinking about Buffy and all the ways he could save her. She realized that her thoughts were a tad on the bitter side and smiled to herself. All these years and she was still envious of Buffy. Faith knew it was ridiculous; she'd had good friends, a loving relationship, and she'd saved the world more than once yet whenever she thought of Buffy that old rivalry she'd always felt crept to the surface. It was childish and she thought she had long since gotten over it. Apparently she'd been wrong.

She knew she should talk to him, but he made her wicked nervous. Not that she was afraid of an attack or anything there was just something about him that put her nerves on high alert. She decided to find him and see if he was okay, but when she turned to go he was standing right behind her so she bumped into him and let out a shriek. He winced slightly and she realized she'd probably hurt him.

            "Oh my god! Are you alright? I didn't know you were there; I must really be off my game not to sense a vampire lurking right behind me. Not that you were lurking; I'm sure you just came to-," she stopped talking, pressing her lips together tightly, as she realized she was babbling like an idiot. Angel smiled slightly.

            "I just came to see how you were doing. We haven't talked in a few days, and you seem a little tense. If you need to talk or whatever, you know…I'm here." She stared at him in surprise. He thought _she needed to talk? He was the one being all dark and brooding with his king of pain act. He watched her expectantly, but when she remained silent he shrugged and turned to leave. She grabbed his arm to halt him._

            "No, no, wait! I do want to talk; I was just about to come find you and see how _you were doing." She dropped his arm abruptly. "I mean…you're the one who just got back from, you know, __hell. I haven't been talking to you because I thought you wanted to be left alone." She cringed inwardly at how insipid she sounded._

            "You don't have to be nervous around me. I don't bite. Well, I haven't recently anyway." He smiled and she laughed, caught off guard. She hadn't expected him to have a sense of humor.

            "You can tell I'm nervous, huh? I guess it is pretty obvious. I'm just not used to this."

            "Living with a vampire?"

            "That_ I've done. No, I'm not used to this whole situation, the time-travel-change-the-shape-of-my-world situation, and dealing with you, who I can't even begin to figure out."_

            "What's to figure out? And did you just say you had lived with a vampire before?" Angel asked in surprise.

            "There's a lot about you to figure out; I never know what you're thinking or feeling. I'm used to people who express themselves a little more freely than you do. And yes, you heard me right about living with a vampire."

            "Why did you live with a vampire?"

            "We were in love," she said simply. Angel face clouded with disbelief.

            "A vampire? You were in love with a vampire?"

            "Yep, and he was in love with me."

            "I'm having a hard time believing that." Faith looked at him, stung by the insult.

            "You don't think someone could love me?"

            "That's not- No! I mean, I'm sure you're very…loveable; I just meant how did he love you with no soul?"

            "With white hot intensity and a fiery passion," she said with a dreamy smile as her mind drifted back…

_            At the end of the year Giles had become concerned about some masked commandos that kept popping up, but they had just about hit a dead end when Spike showed up. He'd been captured by the commando guys and escaped, but they'd stuck a chip in his head so he wasn't able to feed. He offered to give her and Giles information in exchange for blood. She had wanted to stake him right off, but Giles had convinced her that the vamp could be useful in discovering what the soldiers were up to._

_            At first Faith had found him annoying, but she began to enjoy their verbal sparring and appreciate his sharp wit. Giles was disapproving of the time they spent together, but Faith didn't like being told what to do and only hung around with him even more. She found him very attractive and apparently it was mutual because it wasn't long before they'd become lovers. It started out as a meaningless fling, but over time she found herself caring about him and it scared her._

_            They were facing a new threat that apparently escaped from the commando's lab. It was some freakish creation that called itself Adam and it was killing people all over town. When Adam approached Spike about an alliance, Spike had pretended to go along with him and then warned Faith about what Adam was planning. She hadn't understood why he'd helped her, but he claimed he didn't want to see her hurt, that he had feelings for her. She, of course, didn't trust him at all. She had a hard enough time trusting human men, and they supposedly had souls and consciences. How was she supposed to trust a vampire? Of course Spike proved his loyalty by being instrumental in destroying Adam and he and Faith embarked on a relationship that no one, except possibly Anya, approved of. She ignored everyone's warnings and enjoyed the connection she shared with Spike. They were both damaged warriors with a lot of issues, but it was probably the first time she'd been completely open with someone and it was liberating. They never hid their feelings; they were brutally honest with each other. They didn't always get along, in fact sometimes they fought for days, but they always made up and she loved him fiercely._

_            Their fights became more intense and more often as time wore on. He accused her of shutting him out and focusing only on her duties. He begged her one night to stay with him instead of going on patrol; he wanted them to talk to work things out. She accused him of not loving her, of using her. She said he just didn't want her killing his kind. She'd watched the hurt crawl across his face at her hateful words and then she'd walked out._

            "He was right about me," Faith said sadly. "I'd always been so open with him, but towards the end…I just shut down. I…had lost people that I cared about, and I think, maybe, I was trying to protect myself from being hurt." She looked up at Angel. "It didn't help though; it just made it worse. He was killed that night and I never got to tell him I was sorry. I don't even know if he knew how much I loved him." She broke down and Angel held her, too shocked too say anything.

TBC

_Hope you enjoyed this chapter. I'll get the next one out as soon as I can._


	4. Mistakes and Second Chances

Time Out of Mind

kittyb90

Mistakes and Second Chances

            Faith realized what she was doing and pulled herself together as she turned away from him. She wiped her eyes letting out an embarrassed laugh.

            "God, look at me! What a mess, huh?" She turned back towards him, but couldn't quite meet his eyes. "Sorry about crying all over you; I don't know what got into me." Angel crossed his arms while he looked at her.

            "It's alright. You obviously needed that."

            "Yeah, well. I haven't had anyone to talk to about all this. They all…well, I didn't have anyone." She shrugged, staring at the floor, her thoughts focused inward. He was curious about what had caused her such sadness. Moving closer, he asked quietly,

            "What happened to everyone?" Her eyes flew to his as she looked up, unaware of the bleakness that filled her face. She shook her head wordlessly, her eyes just a little wild.

            "I can't…" She stepped back blindly and stumbled slightly. Angel reached out and steadied her.

            "It's okay; you don't have to tell me now. Whenever you're ready." He sought some reassurance that she was alright, but her face was still deathly pale. She was surprised when he pulled her back into his arms. She let him hold her, sinking into the embrace. He was big and solid, a wall between her and the pain. She clung to him like a child and, for the first time in longer than she cared to remember, she felt safe. She knew she should move away from him, but she couldn't bring herself to give up the momentary peace she felt with him. As she continued to snuggle against Angel, her awareness of him grew and her body filled with a familiar tension. She abruptly pulled herself from his arms and quickly stepped back away from him. He watched her intently and she was worried that he knew what she had been feeling. She brushed past him and headed into the hall feeling flustered.

            "I should really go into town. I need to get some stuff and you need more blood and I have…things to do." She tidied up the mess on the table and grabbed a bottle of water, taking a big drink as she headed for the door.

            "Things, huh? Sounds important," Angel joked. "You need to do these 'things' right now? I thought we were going to talk." She glanced at him and then turned quickly away.

            "We did talk and then I acted like a big baby and now I need to go. We can talk more later." And before he could say anything else she was gone. She took a deep breath as she closed the door behind her. _I am such a freak, she thought angrily as she ran her hands over her face. She sank back against the door for a moment before stiffening her spine and heading off towards town. She was confused and embarrassed and she needed time to figure out what her problem was. If she had glanced back towards the mansion, she would have seen Angel watching her, but instead she kept her eyes focused on the street ahead of her. She worried about these emotions he stirred; they confused her. She supposed after being on her own for most of this past year it was only normal that she would feel a connection with the first person she spent some time with, especially when he was the __only person and they were all alone together. It didn't have to mean she had __feelings for him; she just enjoyed the companionship. And that hug meant nothing; she would have reacted like that with anyone. She shook her head. Who the hell was she trying to kid? __Companionship? Yeah, all that silence and brooding were __real companionable. Angel made her feel safe and she hadn't felt safe with anyone, ever. Her relationship with Spike had been too turbulent for there to be complete security, and her friends had provided many things but safety never really factored into the equation. So why did Angel bring it out? It didn't figure and it was starting to bug her so she decided to focus on something else. She glanced up just as she bumped into someone coming the other way._

            "Oh, jeez! Sorry, I wasn't watching-"

            "It's quite alright. I was distracted as well so- Faith?" Her eyes widened and her breath caught in her throat.

            "Giles!"

            "What are you- I thought you were-" he stuttered briefly and then a puzzled look crossed his face. "You look…different. I can't quite put my finger on it, but there's definitely something…" She interrupted him quickly,

            "Yeah, yeah it's my hair. I did something…new, you know, trying stuff out. Whatever."

            "Maybe," he said uncertainly before shaking his head slightly. "I thought you were meeting Willow?"

            "Oh, yeah, I'm heading there now. So I, uh, better get going." She moved past him awkwardly. "Don't want to be late."

            "Right. I'll see you later then," he smiled and had turned to go when Faith touched his arm.

            "Hey, Giles?"

            "Yes, Faith?" She looked at him for a moment her eyes watery then launched herself at him, her arms going tightly around his neck and said tremulously,

            "It's so good to see you." Then she released him abruptly and rushed off, tears streaming down her face, leaving Giles to stare after her in confusion over the unexpected emotion. Faith was mentally kicking herself. She couldn't believe she had let herself get caught off guard like that and, even though she was beyond happy to see Giles, she should never have given in to her emotions that way. The Faith that Giles knew in this time would _never act like that towards anyone, and he was bound to be suspicious. If he brought it up to her and she denied it…the Scooby gang wasn't stupid; they would know something wasn't right. She needed to straighten up and get back in the game. She was here for a reason; she had better start acting like it and pay attention instead of moping around in a daze._

            She had rushed out of the mansion because she couldn't deal with her emotions, but she hadn't lied to Angel; she did have things she needed to do. With all the silence between her and Angel, she had run through her magazines much faster than normal. She needed something to keep her entertained and she should pick up some blood for Angel. Once he was all better he could attempt to reintegrate into the Scooby gang. Now that he was back to himself, he would be able to explain his newly re-souled state; if they had seen him when he first came back he wouldn't have stood a chance.

            She ducked into a store and picked through their magazine and book selection. They had some good mags, but their books were mostly romances. _Romance, she laughed bitterly. She'd love to have a relationship where the only stumbling block was some misunderstanding or disapproving parents. Instead, she got death and vampires and moral middle ground. The heroines in those books wouldn't have a clue how to handle someone like Spike. Or Angel. __Dammit! She thought as she slapped a book back on the shelf. She needed to stop thinking about him. __Okay, she thought. __Think about Spike. Think about all the reasons you were attracted to him. Think about how much you loved him. She felt a smile slip into place. Spike had been one of a kind, a true original. Thinking about their life together helped her focus. Angel was merely part of her mission. So he was attractive, so what? A lot of guys were attractive.  So she had an itch, didn't mean she had to scratch it. She'd deal and move on; it was what she did best._

            She continued to scan the reading material until the local paper caught her eye. One of the headlines caused a faint memory to stir, but she couldn't quite bring it into focus so she put the paper on top of the other stuff she had picked. She decided she'd had enough of the silence at the mansion and headed for electronics. She got a small radio and some CDs, hoping Angel wouldn't mind if she made some noise. There was only so long you could spend immersed in your own thoughts before you went crazy, and she felt she had long since passed the mark. She figured that Angel could probably benefit from some mindless entertainment himself, but when she tried to imagine him dancing to some of her music she had to smile.

After she paid for her stuff she went to the butcher to get some blood for Angel and then headed home, making sure to keep out of sight. She didn't want another incident like the run-in with Giles. She noted the waning daylight with surprise and hurried back to the mansion; she'd spent a lot longer in the store than she'd thought. She paused to collect herself before she burst through the door and called out for Angel, injecting a lightness she was far from feeling into her voice,

"Honey, I'm home! And I brought dinner." He ambled in while she was setting up the radio and smiled slightly.

"What's all this?" She handed him the blood and watched as he took a drink.

"All this quiet reflection is making me twitchy. Figured a little music might take my mind off…stuff. Besides, you've probably just been itchin' to do a little dancin'." Angel gave her one of his inscrutable looks before saying firmly,

"I don't dance." Faith smiled impishly.

"Yeah, we'll see."  She hit play and a loud pounding rhythm filled the room. Faith felt the music slide through her and everything drifted away as she moved to the beat. Lost in her own little world, she continued to dance around as she put things away, completely oblivious of Angel's thoughtful gaze. She pulled out the paper that had caught her eye, spreading it out for easy reading as she continued to move and sway to the music. She looked up, noticed Angel watching her, and gave him a sincerely happy smile, saying loudly, "Isn't this great? No thinking involved just rhythm and movement." Angel nodded but remained silent. She turned away and rolled her eyes; jeez, the guy really needed to learn how to loosen up. She scanned the paper, finding the headline that had tugged at her memory, and read the whole article; it was a follow-up to a story from the week before about some babies that had disappeared from the hospital. Her eyes widened and her gaze flew to the date at the top of the page. Suddenly the incident blazed into her mind with full-blown clarity, and she spun around to the radio. The room was plunged into silence as Faith brought her hands to her face and mumbled forlornly, "Shit!"

"What? What's wrong?" Angel pushed away from the wall where he'd been leaning.

"It's tonight. It happens tonight! How could I have been so stupid? How could I have let myself get so distracted that I didn't remember it was tonight?"

"What? What happens?" Angel turned her to look at him, worry etched in his face. Her expression became a mixture of bitterness and sorrow as she whispered,

"Gwendolyn Post."

_Officially, Giles was still Buffy's Watcher. The Council made their decision clear- Faith needed her own Watcher and they would send their choice as soon as possible. So no one suspected that anything was amiss when Gwendolyn Post showed up claiming to be said Watcher. Faith, however, was less than enthusiastic. She liked Giles and she didn't want some power hungry chick ordering her around as if she knew what it took to be a Slayer. Faith was surprised to find herself responding to the new Watcher's style and ideas. It was all very short-lived, however. Turned out Gwendolyn's motives weren't so pure._

_Faith was supposed__ to find this magic glove and keep some demon from getting his grubby hands on it, but once Giles had gotten it, her new Watcher's true intentions had been revealed. Gwendolyn intended to use the glove herself. In the ensuing fight Giles had been hurt pretty severely, and wound up in the hospital. Faith had managed to stop Gwendolyn and destroy the glove, but Giles had been blinded._

"He had a rough time of it for awhile." Faith looked up at Angel sadly. "Do you know what that must have been like for him? His whole life was books and observation; he was a _Watcher, for God's sake! And suddenly it was all taken from him." She shook her head, but soon a look of admiration crossed her face. "He didn't let it hold him back, though. He worked hard to overcome that obstacle; he was so courageous. Giles is one of the only people I've actually looked up to in my life, and he never disappointed me or let me down. He was one in a million."_

"Was?" Angel asked, and Faith's expression grew remote as she turned away.

"He- He's dead. They're _all dead." She was silent for a moment, and Angel reached out to her. Still turned away and unaware of his attempt at comfort, Faith moved suddenly and Angel dropped his arm back to his side. "The fight is tonight. Giles loses his sight __tonight. I've got to do something; I've got to stop her, keep her from hurting him."_

"They'll see you if you go."

"I can't just stay here and do nothing!" Angel shook his head.

"I wasn't suggesting we do nothing; I'll go. We both knew I'd have to face them eventually; it'll just have to be a little sooner than we thought."

"No, Angel, you're still healing; you're not ready. What if you had to fight? Maybe we could both go. We save Giles without letting him see me, and you get all the credit."

"What?"

"It's perfect! You'll be a big hero; everyone will welcome you back with open arms. Viola, you're back in the group!"

"You think that'll work?"

"Only one way to find out, but we have to hurry." She quickly grabbed a couple things. "It's almost time."

They walked in silence, keeping to the shadows so as not to be seen. Faith was nervous; she had always felt bad that she wasn't able to prevent the injury that caused Giles to go blind. Now she had a second chance and because of her own stupidity they might not make it in time. What was wrong with her? She'd come here to change things, but she seemed to be doing a lousy job of it. She was pulled out of her thoughts when Angel told her,

"Don't beat yourself up about it. All this stuff happened a long time ago for you; it's only natural that it would be hard to keep track of everything. You're doing your best; that's what really matters."

"Aw, come on, self-flagellation is what I do best!" She glanced up at him then quickly looked back at the ground. "But thanks."

"No problem, I'm cursed with a similar affliction myself." Faith smiled.

"You know, you're kinda funny."

"Yeah, I've been considering a career in stand-up," Angel deadpanned causing Faith to laugh out loud. He studied her intently for a moment. "You should do that more often."

"I wasn't sure I remembered how." Her voice was wistful, but he was happy to see that her smile stayed in place.

"So, where we headed?"

"Restfield Cemetery. Giles went after the glove on his own. He told me he had just found it when the psycho bitch attacked." She shook her head in frustration. "He should have waited." Angel stopped in his tracks.

"Wait. The Glove of Myhnegon?"

"Yeah, how'd you know?"

"Heard of it." He started walking again. "What's the plan?"

"Well, I got there after the action had already started, but Giles told me…let me think; it's hard to remember the details. She hit him from behind and when he came to she had already put on the glove. She was…trying to kill him, and he ducked behind one of those statue-looking things. She shot some sort of lightning bolt at him and part of the statue just…exploded. The doctor said some sort of debris had lodged in his eyes; surgery was too risky. She was about to fire again when I showed up. We fought; I won. Giles was blinded for life." She had thought about it a million times; if she'd only gotten there a few minutes sooner… "Once he goes behind that statue, I'll distract Post and you get Giles the hell out of there. I'll duck out of sight, the other me will show up, and we're golden!"

"What if you see yourself? And won't this Watcher lady wonder why there are two Faiths?"

"Well, Gwendolyn won't be saying much after she's dead, and the problem of the other Faith…well, that's why I brought this." She pulled her hair up under a plain black, knit hat, which she tugged low on her head. She looked up and smiled at Angel as she also pulled the hood up on her sweatshirt. "It's dark and if she _does catch a glimpse of me it'll only be from the back. There's no way she'll know it's me; she'll just assume I'm some stray civilian caught in the crossfire."_

"Alright. As plans go, it's fairly solid. What about Giles and the others; do you really think they'll welcome me back?" Faith paused to consider before replying,

"Well, 'welcome' might be a little strong of a word. Xander will _not be happy, I'll be suspicious, and the others will be very wary. But saving Giles will be a big plus and you can explain about your soul. Tell them you understand if they don't want you around, but that you'll help them if they ever need it. They're big on discussion; they'll talk it over and eventually they'll accept you."_

"Are you sure?"

"No, but I know them. That's what they'll do; that's who they are." She looked up and they were at the cemetery. "Showtime."

            They snuck in and found the spot where the fight would take place. Faith didn't see anyone and figured Giles was still in the crypt getting the glove. She glanced at her watch, anytime now all hell would break loose. Angel gave her a questioning look and she leaned over to explain, but at that second she heard a noise from inside the crypt and she saw Gwendolyn Post creeping through the graveyard. She motioned Angel back out of sight. After the Watcher had passed he leaned down and whispered to Faith,

            "Maybe I should get him out of here as soon as she knocks him out."

            "No, I already thought of that." Faith started to turn toward him but thought better of it and kept her eyes on the crypt. "I thought about stopping her before she knocks him out or before she puts on the glove, but it won't work. I can't let Giles see me and if you try to stop her before she puts on the glove it will look like your attacking a defenseless woman; Giles will think you're still evil. And once the glove is on she could be too much for you to handle. No, Giles has to see that _she is the bad guy and that __you are saving him." Angel nodded in agreement and they watched as the scene unfolded. Giles came out of the crypt and Faith barely kept herself from calling out as Gwendolyn snuck up behind him. She gripped Angel's arm as Giles fell to the ground, her grip tightening as the bitch unwrapped the glove and put it on. As Gwendolyn went through the little activation ritual Faith nodded for Angel to head over and get ready. Giles woke up and the chase began. He dodged behind the statue and as Gwendolyn took aim, Faith ran in low and tackled her. Angel made his move and pulled Giles to safety while Faith jumped back and tried to stay out of Miss Evil's way. She glanced at her watch and smiled as she took off running; she ducked behind a mausoleum just in time to see the __other her show up and take the bitch down. All in all a smooth piece of work, and the look on Post's face upon seeing the second Faith - priceless._

            She watched as Giles and Angel came out to meet the other Faith. Past Faith looked Angel up and down suspiciously.

            "Who the hell is this?" Giles looked stunned as he turned to reply,

            "This is…Angel."

            "_'Angel' Angel? Buffy's Angel?" Faith demanded, her voice rising angrily. "I thought he was dead."_

            "Apparently he's back," Giles said, halting Faith when she would've attacked. "He just saved my life, Faith. I think maybe…under the circumstances, I think we should call the others before we…decide how to proceed."

            Faith couldn't hear what else the three of them said as they moved further away; she hoped she hadn't sent Angel to his death. Her past self looked ready for battle and Giles seemed oddly unsure of himself, but if she knew the gang the way she thought she did it wouldn't be long before Angel returned safely home. She continued to watch them and suddenly Angel turned and caught her eye. She lifted her hand in a slight wave so that he knew she saw him and he nodded and turned away. Faith headed back to the mansion feeling alone and hoping Angel would be okay.

TBC

_With the problems fanfiction.net has had compounded by my own internet access troubles this chapter has been a long time coming. I hope everyone enjoys it; I'll get the next one up soon. _


	5. Memories and Dreams

**Time Out of Mind**

Author: kittyb90

Memories and Dreams

            The mansion felt cold and empty when she got home. She wondered if she'd made a horrible mistake. What if their distrust of Angel was so deep that they decided to kill him instead of hearing him out? Then what would she do? She would be alone again. She had grown accustomed to being on her own, but after the time she'd spent here with Angel she didn't know if she could go back to that solitary existence.

Her nerves were stretched taut and she was feeling twitchy again so she strode into the other room, stripping off her sweatshirt as she went. She flipped carelessly through the CDs until she found what she was looking for and put it in the player. She hit play and let the music move through her, emptying her mind of worry and concern and all the other emotions she didn't want to deal with. She moved around the room, dancing frenetically until she came to the punching bag where her movements turned into a graceful mix of dancing and fighting. Faith moved and twisted, spinning and kicking, until she was dripping with sweat. She stopped suddenly, breathing heavily as she pushed her hair back from her face. The song changed and suddenly Faith was struck with a blinding pain at the back of her skull. She cried out as she dropped to her knees, clutching her head. Images assaulted her; Giles examining a text in the library, Giles smiling as he looked into Anya's eyes, Giles trying to read a book as Anya tempted him with kisses and then laughing as he tossed the book aside and took her in his arms, Giles watching Spike angrily as he questioned him about the Initiative, Giles looking at _her as she explained that she was in love. The images kept coming one after the other as the pain continued to increase. She cried out again as she fell to her side on the floor and then there was nothing but blackness as she slipped into unconsciousness._

"Faith. Faith, can you hear me?" She could hear someone calling her from a great distance and tried to open her eyes. "Faith, wake up. Faith? Faith!" She pulled in a gasping breath as she awoke with a jolt and looked up to find Angel leaning over her in concern.

"You're back!" she exclaimed, throwing her arms around him in relief. He smiled, caught off guard by her exuberance.

"Why were you on the floor?" Faith realized what she was doing and quickly pulled away from him, pushing her hair back nervously. She stumbled as she attempted to stand and Angel reached out to steady her. She grabbed his arm as the memory came rushing back.

"Visions! I had visions!"

"What?" She explained what had happened and what she had seen.

"What does it mean?" Angel crossed his arms and looked down at the floor.

"You changed the future." She looked puzzled for a second and then excitement spread across her face.

"You mean those were _memories, memories of Giles being able to see?" He nodded. "But…I still remember him being blind. How is that possible?" He looked up in surprise._

"You're asking me to explain the vagaries of time travel?" She laughed

"Yeah, sorry. So this is good news, right? That means that he's not blind in the future, but why haven't I had any memories about you?"

"I don't know. Maybe when you get the memories depends on how close you were to the person or something." She slipped her hands into the back pockets of her pants and smiled up at him.

"Those damn vagaries again, huh?" He smiled slightly and nodded. She bounced over to the table, hopping up to sit on it, and pulled him down next to her. "Let's focus on something a little less insane. Tell me what happened with the gang. Do they love you again or what?"

"Well, "love" might be a little strong at this point." He looked over at her. "You were right about everyone's response. Giles and Willow were wary and nervous, Xander was hostile, and Faith was- _you were aggressive and suspicious. I have to say that was the weirdest thing, seeing you, but __not you."_

"Oh, yeah? Was I a total bitch?"

"I don't know if I should answer that." She nodded, grinning.

"Yep, I was a bitch."

"I wouldn't say that."

"It won't hurt my feelings. Honest."

"You were just doing your duty as a Slayer. Checking into a possible threat, and-"

"Being a total bitch! You can say it, Angel." He laughed at her teasing and caught her arm as she moved to give him a playful shove.

"Alright! I admit it! You were a bitch."

"Damn right!" She shot him her best badass look, but spoiled it by laughing. "Did I rough you up? Did I bust your chops?"

"No and yes. No rough handling, but a lot of angry accusations and demands for explanations were made."

"So how'd you leave it?"

"The way you suggested. I let them know I wouldn't bother them, but that I'm here if they need me."

"What did they say? No wait, let me guess. You've given them a lot to think about and they need to discuss it privately before they make any decisions." He looked at her in surprise.

"Giles's words exactly." She smiled.

"And I bet I was very upset and didn't want to let you leave."

"You and Xander both."

"See, I know these people. I bet Willow just sat there silently with that _look. You know that one that just __screams nervous tension." He nodded._

"Yeah, they'll welcome you back in no time." She patted him on the back then stood up and stretched. "I think I might head for bed. It's been a long day. Are we good here?"

"Yeah, go ahead. I might read or something." She leaned over and gave him a brief, friendly hug.

"I'm glad they didn't kill ya."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, what would I have done without all your brooding silence?" She gave him an impudent grin and left the room.

Was she awake or was she dreaming? The room was in shadow, lit by a single candle. She stretched against the smooth sheets, enjoying the caress of silk against her skin. She glanced down realizing she was naked. She thought she'd been dressed when she went to bed. What had happened to her clothes? She lay on her back and looked around the room, feeling strangely at peace. _And sleepy, definitely sleepy, she thought. Faith pushed herself up and leaned on her elbows trying to figure out what it was about this place that made her feel so safe, so happy. And wasn't she supposed to be in the mansion? __I don't have silk sheets at the mansion. She tipped her head back and closed her eyes deciding for once just to enjoy the moment instead of trying to analyze it. She could smell coffee brewing and relaxed back on the pillows wondering what she had done to deserve such a feeling of contentment. She felt the bed dip as someone sat down on the edge. She smiled as a hand tenderly caressed her cheek, and she opened her eyes._

"Good sleep?" Angel asked. Faith gasped and her eyes shot open as she quickly sat up. She looked around frantically, but she was back in the mansion. Alone. She sank back down on her decidedly uncomfortable sleeping bag, her breathing ragged. What the hell was that? Her conscious thoughts were one thing, but if her unconscious mind was going to start dreaming about him, she would go crazy! She pushed the dream from her thoughts as well as she could. _It was just a dream. It didn't mean anything. Nothing even happened. Faith rolled over, punched her pillow into shape, and closed her eyes prepared to drift off to sleep._

Half an hour later she was still tossing and turning. She flopped onto her back and blew out a frustrated breath. She pushed to her feet and paced the room like a caged animal. She shouldn't be feeling this restless energy; her impromptu workout earlier should have taken care of that. Nevertheless, here she was at oh-dark-thirty, wandering her room when she should be sleeping. Maybe a little bag work would wear her out. She crept out into the main room to see if Angel was still up, but she didn't see him. She slipped into the area that housed the punching bag and stood for a moment absorbing the peace and quiet. The mansion was eerily still and she was nervous about beginning; it seemed almost a sacrilege to disturb the silence. She smiled at her foolishness and began her routine. She had been at it for quite some time when she sensed she wasn't alone. She spun around to find Angel watching her.

"Shouldn't sneak up on people," she said as she turned back to finish her workout.

"Couldn't sleep?" She paused, closing her eyes briefly.

"Weird dreams."

"You realize you're not dressed, right?" She glanced down at the black sports bra and boxers she was wearing then turned to look at him, her hands on her hips.

"What are you some sort of prude? This covers more than my swimsuit." She threw him a grin. "I'm sure you've seen women in a lot less." She walked past him into the other room to get a drink. She downed a bottle of water then wiped her mouth as she turned and saw he was still standing there. She lifted an eyebrow as she regarded him. "Something on your mind?"

"You said you had weird dreams." She shifted uncomfortably.

"Yeah, so?"

"Was it more Giles stuff?" She almost laughed.

"No, it wasn't anything like that. It was just…not the kind of thing I normally dream about is all. I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep. Figured I'd get in a little action." He continued to watch her closely, and she crossed her arms defensively.

"What?"

"You seem a little on edge; are you sure something isn't bothering you?" She thought it was sweet that he was worried about her, but she also knew there was no way in hell she was telling him her dream. 

"I'm fine, really." She flashed him a smile to help convince him. "I'm gonna go back to bed now and we'll talk in the morning or…whenever you're up. _WAKE up! Whenever you __wake up." He gave her a funny look and she felt ridiculous. She left quickly and headed for bed, rolling her eyes over her silly outburst. __Idiot!_

A few weeks went by and Faith continued to have Angel dreams. None of them were as intimate as the first one, though; they were mostly filled with bits and pieces of conversation and sometimes in them, she and Angel were sparring. She didn't understand it, but at least she didn't feel as embarrassed about these ones.

Angel had talked with Giles and the gang a few times and things seemed to be progressing fairly well. After every meeting he would fill Faith in on what had been said and she'd advise him on what to do next.

"I think I'm starting to get to you," he said one day. Faith spun to look at him in surprise.

"What?!"

"The other you; I think I'm making progress. I've been trying to make friends with her."

"Why?" she asked, sitting down across from him.

"Well, I figured it would be a good idea."

"I guess it would. I mean, we're friends now so it makes since if I'm friends with you in the past." She looked up at him, realizing how confusing that seemed, and smiled. "You know what I mean." He smiled back and nodded. "So she's not being hostile anymore?"

"No, she seems to have downgraded to guarded."

"Wow! Impressive progress." She paused briefly. "It's weird to talk about myself as a separate person."

"Can't be much weirder than _being a different person," he said quietly. She watched him silently for a moment._

"What's that like? Do you remember what you did or-"

"I shouldn't have brought it up," he interrupted her looking suddenly distant.

"Come on, you practically know my life story while I know exactly two things about you." She held up her hand to count them off. "One, you're a vampire with a soul. Two, 'happy' makes you lose it."

"You know more than that."

"Barely." She reached out and touched his hand. "If you really don't want to, you don't have to talk about it, but I'd like to know what it's like for you." He was silent for a long time and she thought she had her answer, but then he started to speak. His voice was so low she almost missed what he said,

"I remember everything; all the blood, all the…death. All the pain I caused. Every single second I remember. What I did. What I am. And I know that I have no right to ask for forgiveness, no right to _be forgiven. I feel it inside me, clawing to get out, held back by the soul of a man who was, __at best, a drunken, womanizing, lout. A man who had no respect for anything or anyone. And I don't know which part I hate more. The soulless beast that kills without conscience or the man that cared so little for the soul he had that he lost it long before he ever died." He looked up at her. "Is that what you wanted to know?" When he stood to leave she grabbed his arm to halt his exit and was pulled to her feet by his momentum._

"Angel. You have to know you're more than that." She searched his eyes for any sign of acknowledgement, but found none. "You _do know that, right? Angel? Do you realize that you're the only person who has ever made me feel safe in my life, __ever? That has to mean something, right? And what about all the good you've done; do you think that means nothing? Everybody screws up; maybe some mistakes are bigger than others, but you're more than just your mistakes. Everybody is. And nobody __deserves forgiveness; that's something one person __gives to another." He looked at her and she thought maybe she was getting through to him. She reached up and hugged him. "You're my friend and for some damn reason I trust you. That doesn't happen often, but when it does my instincts are always right. And I don't trust worthless people so…" She pulled back slightly to look at him and her words faded away at the intensity of his gaze. He'd had the same look that first night when she'd woken to find herself face to face with a savage. Just like before her hand moved to touch his cheek and she found herself lost in his eyes._

The moment was abruptly shattered by a knock at the door. They moved apart quickly, scrambling for composure. Faith didn't know who was at the door, but she knew she needed to hide in case it was one of the gang, which was likely.

"You get the door," she whispered. "I'll hide back here." She moved into another room leaving the door open enough to hear what was going on. Angel was still just standing there so she leaned back out and hissed urgently, "Go!" She listened as Angel walked to the door and opened it. There was a long silence and she wondered what the hell was going on, but then she heard a voice say softly,

"Giles said you were alive, but I didn't believe him." Myriad emotions laced Angel's voice as he responded. Faith looked down and pressed her eyes shut tight. Resting her head against the door she echoed Angel sadly, her own voice a whisper,

"Buffy."

TBC

_Hope you like this chapter. Sunday I'm going on a two week vacation and probably won't get much work done on the story, but I'll get the next chapter up as soon as I can. Thanks for the reviews._


	6. Reunion and Revisit

**Time Out of Mind**

Author: kittyb90

Disclaimer: I, of course, own nothing

Note: I'm back from vacation and I'm ready to party! The next chapter is almost finished so it shouldn't be long before that one is up too. Thanks for the reviews; you guys are great!

Reunion and Revisit

            The silence went on until Faith thought she might go crazy. Edging by the door, she moved around until she could see what was going on. They just stood staring at each other, Buffy looking shocked and uncertain and Angel, well she couldn't tell what Angel was thinking.

            "Can I come in?"

            "Uh, yeah, I, ah, I guess so." Faith saw Angel glance towards her hiding place and moved back out of sight for a moment. When she looked back out Angel had shut the door and Buffy was looking around nervously. Faith could pinpoint the exact moment she noticed everything lying around, things that Angel would never have bought. She picked up one of the CDs, turning to look at him as she held it up.

            "Mark Ferrari?" Angel glanced over at Faith briefly then back at Buffy, crossing his arms awkwardly as he said,

            "Yeah, they're, uh, he's great. Good stuff." Buffy looked doubtful and then Faith watched her gaze sweep the room again taking in the radio, the CDs, the magazines…_the food containers! Did Buffy know Angel didn't eat regular food? Faith closed her eyes; there was no way Buffy was gonna buy that all that stuff was Angel's. Faith looked again and saw that her gaze was riveted on something across the room. Puzzled, Faith turned to see what it was and spotted her sweatshirt on the floor near the door to her room. __Shit! It wasn't an obviously girly piece of clothing, but it was way too small to be Angel's. Buffy walked slowly towards the shirt._

            "Is someone else here?" Angel moved quickly, taking Buffy by the hand and moving her away from Faith's room. He led her to the table.

            "Why don't we sit in here and talk?" Faith could tell Buffy was curious about the odd things Angel had, but then she seemed to shrug it off and turned to face him. She reached out, tenderly stroking his cheek and Faith decided she didn't feel like hanging around to catch the show. She carefully shut the door and moved away so she didn't have to overhear their touching reunion. She sat in the corner wishing there was another way out of this room so she could get the hell out of the mansion. The need for activity gripped her, but she knew she had to be quiet so Buffy wouldn't hear her and get suspicious.

Why was this bothering her so much? She should be happy that Buffy had shown up; her return could only help Angel's relationship with the group, but instead she found herself experiencing pangs of jealousy and disappointment. Buffy coming back meant Angel would be gone more, which meant he would be spending less time with Faith. She was going to lose him. That puzzling thought stopped her cold. _Lose him? He wasn't hers to lose! Why was she so upset? Yes, she felt close to Angel, but that was just because he was the only person she'd had any contact with. She rationalized that she would feel close to anyone under the circumstances, but her mind suddenly turned against her as it flashed back to the moment before the knock on the door and she relived the feelings she had experienced when their eyes met. __I wanted to kiss him. She shook her head in denial of her thoughts. This was ridiculous; she did __not have feelings for Angel. This whole thing was a result of their forced togetherness and her old rivalry with Buffy, nothing more. Buffy being back was a __good thing, but Faith still experienced a sense of loss and she didn't understand why._

It seemed like an eternity before Angel opened the door to tell her Buffy had gone. She wandered into the other room without looking at him, confused by her emotions. She didn't really feel like hearing about his little interlude with Buffy, but then she turned to look at him. He looked sort of sad and lost and she felt like she should offer him a shoulder to cry on since he'd let her sob all over him about Spike and the others. She tucked her hands in her pockets and looked at the floor.

"Do you, uh, want to…talk about it or something?" She was aware of his eyes on her as she moved toward him hesitantly. "I mean, you don't have to tell me. I just thought maybe…" She glanced up and caught his gaze, angry at the flash of awareness she was fast becoming familiar with.

"She doesn't like you." The abruptness of his statement threw her for a second.

"What?"

"The other you, she mentioned her. She doesn't like that you've taken her place." Faith stared at him in disbelief.

"She just found out you've mysteriously returned from the hell dimension she sent you to and _THAT is what you talked about?"_

"Well, we talked about other things too, but I thought I'd ease into it." They smiled at each other slightly and then Faith moved to sit on the table.

"I always knew she didn't like me." Angel sat next to her.

"Yeah, she said it was quite a jolt to come home and find a new Slayer hanging out with her friends, working with her Watcher."

"Well she shouldn't worry. They'll all rush to be back at her side in no time." She tried to control her voice, but was unable to keep out a hint of bitterness. Angel unexpectedly reached out and patted her back.

"Don't worry; I'll keep you company." She turned to look at him, her expression cynical.

"You'll keep me company?" She snorted inelegantly. "You'll be the first one by her side!" Angel shook his head as he stood up.

"I _will help her in any way I can." He started to leave the room, pausing in the doorway with his back to her. "But I won't let you be abandoned again." Stunned, she watched wordlessly as he left, realizing only after he was gone that she still didn't know what else he and Buffy had talked about._

Angel never told her what had gone on with Buffy, but it had been three weeks and she hadn't come back to the mansion; Faith figured it hadn't exactly been the joyous reunion she imagined it to be. She tried to be disappointed, but all that came through was a small happy smile; she shook her head and went back to her workout. Angel had gone out earlier to patrol and check in with the gang. She wished she could've gone with him, but she knew venturing out at night was way too risky. Everyone would be out; too big a chance of being discovered. So here she was, stuck inside with nothing but music and exercise to alleviate her edginess. She spun and delivered a vicious kick to the bag as the song came to an end. She rested for a moment, her hands on her hips, waiting for the next song to start. When nothing happened she turned to check the radio and came to an immediate stop at the sight that greeted her.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Buffy stood next to the radio, her finger still resting on the stop button as she took in Faith's obvious familiarity with the mansion. She eyed the CDs scattered around the radio before her gaze came to rest on the sweatshirt tied loosely at Faith's hips. Glancing down, Faith realized it was the same sweatshirt Buffy had seen lying on the floor during her previous visit. "Oh, my God! Is all this stuff…yours?"

"It's not what you think," Faith protested, but Buffy paid no attention.

"It was bad enough to find you'd taken my place with my friends and Giles, but Angel, too? You've really outdone yourself!" Faith shook her head, taking a step towards Buffy.

"I didn't…" She was unable to finish as she was hit by another blinding headache. This time as she dropped to her knees, she was bombarded with images of Angel. Angel arguing with Xander, Angel fighting off a group of vamps, Angel pushing her out of the way of a demon attack, Angel fighting with Spike, Angel smiling as she excitedly told him something; faster and faster they came and she reached out for help as Buffy rushed forward in concern. Before Buffy could reach her Faith cried out, collapsing into darkness once again.

"What did you do to her?" Faith wondered why Angel was so angry.

"I didn't do anything; she just collapsed! What is she doing here, anyway?"

"Not now, Buffy."

"Well, she's obviously living here! This _is her stuff, isn't it?" There was a long silence and Faith struggled to wake up so she could set things straight. She didn't want Buffy to be angry with Angel, but before she could force herself to move he confirmed Buffy's misapprehension by saying,_

"Yes, it is. She's been living here for awhile. Faith- she took care of me when I came back and we've become…friends. I would appreciate it if you didn't bring this up to her or the others. She doesn't like people to see past her tough exterior, to see her as vulnerable; she'd be embarrassed if anyone found out." Why was he lying? _Tell her the truth!_

"Was she here when I came over the other day? Is that why you rushed me out of here?"

"Look, I thought we agreed that, outside of demon related stuff, we would lead separate lives; that it's too hard to be around each other after everything that happened. Isn't that what we decided?" There was a pause, and then, "So? Why are you here?"

"I don't know. I guess I thought you might be lonely," she said pointedly. "Obviously I was wrong. I'm sure Faith is _great on lonely nights!" If Faith could have moved, she would have hit her._

"It's not like that; s_he's not like that." Buffy made a derisive sound and Faith could tell she was walking away._

"I see the way she looks at you. If you think she's here out of the goodness of her heart, you're delusional!" The door slammed and everything was silent. Angel sat down next to her and she realized someone had moved her to the bed.

"You should have told her the truth."

"What good would that have done?"

"I don't know, but she seemed angry when she left."

"She's jealous."

"What did she mean 'the way I look at you'?" Angel stood up and turned away so she couldn't see his face.

"You said you felt rejected by everyone when Buffy came back the first time. I've been trying to change that."

"How?"

"I've been spending a lot of time with you." Faith smiled.

"That's so sweet! And it sort of explains what happened today." He looked at her questioningly. "I collapsed because I had more memory flashes. It was you this time." She put her hand to her head. "I wish I didn't get them all at once though; this headache is a bitch!" She looked up at him suddenly. "Wait a minute. Wait a minute! Do you mean- am I all…you know, coming on to you and stuff? Is _that what Buffy meant?"_

"Not really. You're nicer to me than you are to the others and you do like to flirt, but I think you do that mostly to piss off Buffy." Faith pulled him around to face her.

"Have I come on to you?" She saw him hesitate. "Tell me the truth."

"Not exactly."

"What the hell does that mean?"

"Can we stop talking about this?"

"Not until you tell me what I said."

"You asked if the, uh, happiness clause in my curse meant it was okay to have sex with someone I _didn't love."_

"That's it?"

"And then you, uh, ran your…hand down my chest and said that you weren't even sure we liked each other. After that you smiled and you kissed me," he tapped the edge of his jaw, near his chin, "here."

"Oh. My. God!"

"But I'm pretty sure you were joking."

"I _said that?" He nodded. "And you still hang around with me?" Faith shook her head slightly. "With her? God, no wonder Buffy hates me!" Angel smiled._

"It's strange to hang around with you here and then hang around with the past you. You're more reserved in a lot of ways than she is, but you're also more trusting. She's very suspicious. Of everyone." Faith shook her head.

"Yeah, I remember that. She probably came on to you to test you. The person I used to be would figure you only hung around because you expected something in return. And you know; if you did, she'd probably give it to you, but you'd never touch her in any way that really mattered. I used to use sex as a weapon; it was power and control and I knew how to use it to my advantage." She faded off as she remembered how much better it had been when it wasn't about being in control, but about letting go and being free. Suddenly she realized she was talking about sex with Angel, of all people, the last guy she should be having this conversation with, and snapped out of her reverie abruptly. "Anyway, uh, what were we talking about?" Angel shook his head, as though just coming out of his own thoughts.

"I think we were changing the subject."

"Best idea ever."

Angel told her Buffy never brought up Faith and Angel's living arrangements in front of the others, but he said she treated the other Faith very coldly and barely spoke to Angel. Faith didn't get what the big deal was; Buffy had to know nothing was going on. How could it? Faith figured no way was Angel risking his soul again and even if he were remotely tempted to, it would be with Buffy not her. Then again, Buffy's jealousy made a weird sort of sense; she'd always seemed a little unnerved by Faith's aggressively flirtatious manner. She was sure her past self wasn't doing anything _close to setting Buffy's mind at ease about her intentions toward Angel. For some reason that thought made Faith smile.___

He was gone again. As Faith had predicted Angel was gone more and more often now, leaving her on her own a lot of the time, and she missed him more than she cared to admit. On his way back he usually picked up some dinner for her and some blood for him and they would settle down to eat and discuss what had gone on during patrol and any meetings he had with the gang. Sometimes when they were together she would catch him watching her, an odd expression on his face, but he always looked away before she could figure out what he might be thinking. Other times he seemed a million miles away and while she always wondered what put that wistful look in his eye, she never asked him, sure that his thoughts were filled with Buffy.

She was getting tired of being left behind. She knew it was necessary, but it still rubbed her the wrong way. _I should be out fighting. Maybe if she could just get in a little slayage all this tension would loosen its grip on her. An idea came to her, fully formed and begging to be put into action, but she worried that her impulsiveness might get her into trouble. She shrugged off her misgivings and rushed to pull on the "disguise" she had worn when she and Angel rescued Giles. If she stayed alert she could go on a quick patrol without being spotted. Smiling, she grabbed a stake and a small crossbow and headed into the night._

She felt exhilarated as she wandered through the familiar graveyards that constituted her old stomping grounds. It was good to be outside finally and back on the job. When had slaying become a necessity to her rather than just something she did? Maybe it had always been that way and she was just now noticing, but she found that all this time without a good kill had left her itching for some action.

She stopped near a large crypt and, taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes. She let her senses have free reign and just as she registered that it was way too quiet her brain sent her another warning. _Vampire! She opened her eyes, casually raising her stake, and took the first one easily as he rushed her. Three more came from behind and she spun around knocking two of them back with a powerful kick before bringing the crossbow into play. The first two were simple kills, but the third caught her off guard and took her to the ground before she could rally her defenses. She took a hard blow to the head and dodged another before she was able to get back in the game. With a swift upswing of her legs she caught the bastard around the neck and pulled him backwards as she rolled to flip him onto his stomach and landed astride his back. She gave him a hard kidney punch just for being so much trouble and then jammed the stake through his back down into his heart. She was yanked to her feet before the cloud of dust had even dissipated and hauled inside the darkness of the crypt. She had barely begun to struggle when a hand clamped over her mouth and she was pulled back tightly against a solid and unyielding figure._

"I thought we had agreed that it was best for you to stay in at night." She immediately stopped struggling, and Angel moved his hand to let her speak. She turned her head to give him a dirty look.

"What is your problem? You scared the shit out of me!"

"Shh, the others will be coming by here any minute. I saw you from across the cemetery and took off to warn you."

"Did anyone else see me?"

"I don't think so. They-" He stopped suddenly and then whispered, "Here they come." At first all Faith could make out was her own breathing, loud and ragged in the silence of the crypt. As her adrenaline high slowly receded, she heard Buffy arguing with someone. The voices grew closer and Faith turned her head to give Angel a look of wide-eyed astonishment as she realized Buffy was arguing with _her. The group passed by the crypt without pause and kept on going, their voices growing faint even as the argument continued. All was silent again and Faith suddenly noticed that Angel still held her tight against him. For one unguarded second she relaxed into him, enjoying the feel of his arms around her. When she realized what she was doing she put a hand on Angel's arm and turned to look at him._

"I think it's safe to let me go now." He seemed startled to find he still held her, and released her immediately. They faced each other in the darkness of the crypt and Faith wished she knew what he was thinking.

"I thought you were going to stay inside."

"I got bored." He didn't say anything for a second and she thought he was angry, but when he finally spoke she could tell he was holding back a laugh.

"You got bored?" She smiled at him in the darkness.

"Yeah, you know, you never take me anywhere anymore. What does a girl have to do to get invited to an apocalypse? I mean, is it asking too much to be taken out for a little demon killing every now and then?" She heard Angel laugh and then he took her arm to lead her back outside.

"So, not enough activity for you at the mansion?"

"I'm going out of my mind up there."

"We'll have to do something about that."

"What did you have in mind?" Faith could have kicked herself when she heard how flirtatious her tone was. Angel glanced over with a smile.

"You'll see."

TBC

_Hope you enjoyed it. More to come soon._


	7. Awareness

**Time Out of Mind**

Author: kittyb90

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Awareness

Faith let out a frustrated sigh. Where had he gone? He'd aroused her curiosity with his little mysterious act on the way to the mansion, but then when they'd gotten there he had disappeared into the other room. She boosted herself onto the table, feeling silly and hoping he was coming back and hadn't just gone to bed or something. She leaned back to rest on her hands and closed her eyes while she waited. When she opened her eyes again he was standing right in front of her and she let out a little yelp of surprise.

"What _is it with you?" She gave him a dirty look. "I don't get how you're __always able to sneak up on me." Angel smiled._

"You must be off your game." Amused and insulted at the same time, she noticed he had changed into grey sweats and a white muscle shirt. "Maybe you need a little refresher." Faith climbed down off the table, stripping off her sweatshirt as she began to figure out what he had in mind.

"You think you're man enough?" They moved with predatory grace, slowly circling each other.

"I'll try to go easy on you. I wouldn't want you to get hurt." His comment was met with a hard right to the face. He shook his head, lightly rubbing his jaw; Faith smiled.

"Don't worry about me; I can handle anything you got, big guy." Angel grinned back at her and the fight was on. Spinning and kicking, fists flying, dodging and feinting; they moved with speed and skill, their precision impeccable. They were evenly matched, and neither one was able to gain the upper hand for quite some time. Faith delivered a roundhouse kick to Angel's midsection, knocking him back slightly, but when she tried another, this time to the head, he caught her foot and pulled her off balance. Before she could steady herself, Angel was able to catch her in the face with a right cross, followed by a sharp jab to the stomach that brought her to her knees. She was back on her feet in seconds, catching Angel in the chin with a well-placed kick. As he stumbled back he kicked out sideways knocking her back as well. They regained their footing and circled each other again, each looking for an opening. Faith shot Angel a cheeky grin. "You gettin' tired, old man?" She spun around and hit him in the ribs with a back kick, turning quickly with a follow up punch. Angel caught her hand easily and pulled her into a headlock, his arm pressed tightly against her throat.

"You forget who you're dealing with; I could do this all day." Faith's elbow shot back into Angel's stomach with no effect. She brought her fist up in a back handed punch, startling him enough that his grip loosened slightly. Faith quickly took advantage, grabbing his arm and flipping him over her shoulder onto the floor. She landed on him a moment later, hand raised as though she held a stake.

"I think _you forget that I already kicked your ass once!" She brought her fist down to rest over his heart. "And now you're dead." They smiled at each other for a moment as Faith rested against him._

"I put up a good fight though. I bet I'll take you next time."

"In your dreams, buddy!" They laughed and as the laughter faded away Faith realized how intimate her position was. She grew serious and Angel looked up at her questioningly. Sitting up only furthered the unintentional intimacy, and Faith did something she hadn't done in a long, long time; she blushed. As if on cue, Angel seemed to realize what had caused her embarrassment and tried to sit up too. This movement brought Angel into the closer proximity she had been attempting to avoid and made her blush even harder. "Um, hold on a minute, will ya." She pushed him away so she wouldn't be tempted into anything stupid, and started to push to her feet. As she stood a wave of dizziness passed over her. Angel jumped up as she swayed, catching her before she fell.

"Faith?" When she looked up there was a blinding flash of light, and she flung up a hand to shield her eyes. The light faded and she was looking at a graveyard by moonlight.

"What the-?" She heard a noise to the right and as she swung around towards it she realized that she wasn't actually _in the graveyard. She was looking at it from outside as if it were a scene from a movie. As she watched she saw herself walking out from behind a crypt; Buffy soon appeared by her side and she looked pissed._

_"Would you wait a minute? Faith!"_

_"What?" She didn't slow a bit as she spoke._

_"Why does everything always have to be your way or no way? Why do you automatically argue with everything I say?" Faith stopped and turned to smile snidely at Buffy._

_"What's the matter, Blondie? You afraid of a little competition?"_

_"From you? Hardly."_

_"Look, you do things your way, the safe__ way and I do what works for me. Don't expect me to fall in line like all your little friends. This ain't a military operation, sweetie, and you definitely aren't my commanding officer!"_

_"I'm not trying to command you-" Faith broke in, interrupting Buffy's denial._

_"No, you just expect me to do as I'm told like a good little girl. Well, I got news for you, B; I haven't been a good girl in a very long time." Buffy started to say something, but when she looked over Faith's shoulder her eyes rounded. She moved towards her._

_"Faith!"_

As Faith watched the two of them she was acutely aware of how defensive her past self was being. God, had she always been this bitchy with Buffy? She watched as Buffy called her name in warning. She turned her head in time to see herself run through with a sword. She gasped and dropped to her knees as the other Faith did the same thing. She brought her hands up to her stomach and everything spun sickeningly as the cemetery disappeared and she was back in the mansion.

"Faith! Faith!" She felt Angel shaking her as she gasped for breath. She clawed desperately at her shirt pulling it open to look for the blade she could feel penetrating her flesh. Her hands pressed frantically at her abdomen, searching for a wound, but there was nothing there. Her panic eased slightly, and she tried to get control of herself. "Faith, what's wrong?" She looked up at him wide-eyed, breathing heavily as she explained her vision.

"I guess it must not have happened yet. It couldn't have been fatal, right, cause wouldn't I be dead or something?" Angel looked pensive as he replied softly,

"I don't know. I don't understand how this whole thing works, but I don't like the sound of this. I should go and try to warn you." Faith nodded.

"Yes, please. I…I don't want her to go through that, even if it doesn't kill her. It felt…it was excruciating." Her voice broke and she turned away, embarrassed at her emotional state.

"It'll be okay; I'll take care of it. You stay here. I'm gonna change and then I'll go find you. I mean her…whatever." He shook his head and hurried into the other room. Faith let out a shuddering breath and decided that she hated the frickin' visions, hated them with a passion. They could never be simple flashes of memory; they had to be accompanied by blinding pain or leave her trembling with fear. Why had she thought she could handle this shit? Why hadn't she asked about what would happen to her? She let out a short, bitter laugh. It was a little too late for second thoughts now and, really, when had anything in her life ever been simple or easy? At least she had Angel. She dropped her head into her hands. Now _there was a dangerous line of thought. She couldn't start depending on Angel in that way. Sure he was here now, but she wouldn't have him forever. Sooner or later she'd have to leave and then she'd be on her own again, like before. She'd let Angel handle this because, well, she had to, but after this she had to rely only on herself. She nodded determinedly. But then Angel came out, ready to go, and she found herself wishing… wishing things could be different. He took her hand and looked concerned._

"Are you gonna be alright?" She nodded and gave him a weak smile. He patted her hand before he turned to go and she realized that even if she lied to him, she couldn't lie to herself. She _wasn't going to be alright; she was scared to death and not about the vision. Her biggest fear had just walked out the door to try and save her. She dropped down to sit on the floor, resting her back against the wall. God, what was she going to do?_

Great. Another dream. It was getting easier and easier to tell the difference. She hoped this wasn't another one about Angel because she really couldn't handle that right now. As things came into focus she realized that she was in the graveyard from her vision. _No! She didn't want to relive this, but even as she struggled to wake up she knew it was useless. The dreams always held onto her until __they decided to let go. She walked out from behind the crypt and heard Buffy call to her just like in the vision. Faith responded just as she had before, but this time after Buffy said she wasn't worried about Faith as competition Angel came along, and Faith heard herself saying,_

"Well, well, well! If it isn't tall, dark, and sexy. Where'd you run off to earlier?" _Jeez, is this the way I talk to Angel?_

"Had something to take care of."

"So what brings you back this way?" Angel glanced at Buffy then back to Faith.

"You. Can we talk?" Faith flashed him a grin and then looked at Buffy.

"What was that you were saying a minute ago?" _I'm such a bitch, she thought with reluctant amusement. Buffy waved them away and said sarcastically,_

"Don't mind me. Go. Talk. Do…whatever it is you two do." Angel sighed in frustration, but before he could say anything he saw the demon behind Faith.

"Faith!" He pushed her aside and the sword cut deeply into his arm. For Faith everything seemed to slow as she looked in shock at Angel's wound and then turned angrily on the thing that had hurt him. She advanced on the demon and, with little effort; she took his sword and killed him with it. Everything sped up again as she dropped the sword and turned to Angel. She reached out and gently touched his arm.

"Are you alright? I think you just saved my life!" Her eyes were wide with shock and he placed his hand tenderly over hers.

"I'm fine; are _you okay?" Buffy put her hands up in a gesture of surrender, shaking her head as she walked away._

"I have _got to get out of here!"_

"Buffy," Angel said, his tone apologetic. Buffy turned around and gave him a silencing look.

"No! Just…don't even bother." She shot Faith a fulminating glare before leaving. They both watched her go; Angel's eyes betraying a hint of sadness while Faith appeared confused. She turned to say something to Angel, but everything began to fade away.

Her eyes fluttered open and she realized she had fallen asleep on the floor. She looked around, wondering if Angel was home yet, wondered if the dream was a memory or just a product of her fevered imagination. The thought that it could be an actual memory sent a shiver down her spine. If this dream was a memory, were the others? And if they were, what exactly the hell did _that mean?_

Standing and stretching, she wandered aimlessly around the mansion until she found herself standing in the doorway of Angel's bedroom. She stood silently, staring at nothing for a moment and then curled up on the bed, his pillow clutched tightly to her chest. What was she doing? _You're falling for him, kiddo. Faith shook her head in denial. "I am not!"__ Oh, really? Is that why you're curled up on his bed, hugging his damn pillow? "Shut up." __That's the best you can do? Wow, you've got it bad!  She punched the pillow and shoved it away angrily. Much as she might like to, she couldn't run from her thoughts, and she was forced to admit that she had grown fond of Angel. __Fond? Okay, more than fond, but she wasn't willing to think about how __much more. She rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling, trying to blank out her intrusive thoughts, but the fact that she was rolling around on Angel's bed wasn't something her mind was willing to let slide. Sighing, she had moved to get up when she heard a low hum. She recognized the sound and looked up quickly to see a blue light emanating from the wall. Something taking the form of a woman stepped through the light and into the room. Faith smiled involuntarily, a reaction that had become familiar to her by now. Something about this being filled her with an indescribable feeling of peace and contentment._

"Eliana."

"Faith." The woman smiled back at her. "You're looking well."

"Thank you." Faith's smile lessened slightly. "Is it time? I didn't realize-"

"No, I've only come to check on you. It's not time yet." Eliana strode around the room, taking in Faith's relaxed pose on the bed with a raised eyebrow. "You've been making excellent progress. Although I hadn't expected you'd be sharing the vampire's bed." Faith blushed, an annoying occurrence that seemed to be happening a lot lately, and rushed to climb off the mattress.

"I'm not _sharing his bed; I was just…" She tried to think of an explanation that wasn't embarrassing. Eliana waved her hand dismissively._

"I am well aware of the situation; I was only teasing you. We find your feelings for this creature, this…Angel I believe he's called, we find this development pleasing."

"But…why? I thought I was meant to be with Spike. I love Spike. How is this betrayal of his memory in any way pleasing?"

"Love is never a betrayal."

"I am _not in love with Angel!" Eliana shook her head in disappointment._

"Denial of the facts does not change them. You, more than anyone, must realize that." She reached out and tenderly stroked Faith's cheek. "But this is not what I came here to tell you."

"You've come to tell me my time is short, right?"

"Just a reminder really. You have only until the graduation battle to finish what you've started. You cannot be here for that particular fight." Faith lowered her eyes forlornly.

"What will happen to me…after? Will I go back or will I, will I…die?"

"That is a discussion for another day. You're going to have to make some hard choices, but I think you'll do the right thing." Faith's gaze shot up to meet Eliana's.

"What do you mean?"

"You'll see." Faith ran her fingers through her hair, roughly pushing it off her face. She closed her eyes briefly in frustration.

"Don't give me that mysterious," she opened her eyes, but Eliana was gone, "crap." She heard the front door of the mansion clang shut and hustled out of Angel's room, hoping he wouldn't realize where she'd been.

"Faith?" She heard him call softly.

"I'm up here. Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, you'll be happy to hear I just changed the future." He was silent for a moment before sighing wearily. "Or the past or whatever." She came around the corner and found him shirtless.

"Oh, crap," she said under her breath. Great. Just what she needed, half naked Angel. Then she realized he was washing blood off his arm and rushed forward in concern. "Oh my God; you're hurt!"

"Cut by a sword; it's nothing. It's already starting to heal."

"You were cut by a sword?" He looked up and caught her dumbfounded look.

"Yeah. Found you just before the demon showed up, pushed you out the way, he cut me, and then you killed him."

"Wow, so my dream was real!" He gave her a funny look. "I sorta fell asleep after you left and that's what I dreamed about. I must be getting memory dreams or something."

"What else have you dreamt about?" She blushed again. _Dammit!_

"That's not really important right now. I was thinking before you got home and I think it's time I told you."

"Told me what?"

"About what happened to the others; how they," she took a deep breath as her voice cracked, "about the way, uh, the way they…died."

TBC

_Hey, here's another chapter. This story is really working me; I can't seem to stop writing it. Hope you like this one._


	8. Recount and Redress

**Time Out of Mind**

Author: kittyb90

Disclaimer: These characters are owned by Joss and ME; I just like to play.

Note: This chapter took awhile 'cause I've been sick, and the heat has been unbearable. Every time I tried to write I just couldn't focus. BUT I'm finally feeling better and managed to get this done so I hope you enjoy it. Sorry for the wait.

Recount and Redress

            Angel watched her closely after she made her announcement and she wondered what he was thinking. He reached out hesitantly and touched her cheek, gently pushing her hair back off her face.

            "Are you sure you're ready? You don't have to tell me if you don't want to." Faith would have been less surprised if he had hauled off and hit her. As it was his gentle touch had a fairly similar effect, leaving her a little stunned and breathless. He was so sweet. She hadn't expected that about him. She hadn't expected a lot of things, but being unprepared didn't stop the unexpected from happening. She'd learned that lesson a long time ago in the worst possible way. She put her hand over Angel's.

            "I'm ready, and you need to know." He nodded and leaned back against the counter as he crossed his arms. She stood opposite him, her eyes trained on the floor and her arms folded tightly against her body in a slightly defensive posture. She took a deep, shaky breath and then began her story.

            "After all the Adam bullshit things settled down nicely. No more unbeatable Frankenstein monster to deal with just nice, normal, every day vamps and the occasional demon. It was nice to have some down time, but it wasn't long before some really weird shit started happening; there were all kinds of new monsters and crazy people running all over town. Things never stay simple for long on the frickin' Hellmouth." Faith glanced up briefly, her expression slightly bitter. "None of us knew what the hell we were dealing with, but it wasn't long before we found out and then we prayed for ignorance.

Glory seemed like just another crazy bitch on first viewing, but she was stronger and more powerful than anything I had ever dealt with." Faith moved towards where Angel stood and boosted herself up to sit next to him. "Ever met a god?" Angel's eyes widened slightly and he shook his head no. "I guess actually she was just a Hellgod, not like _the God, if there even is one, but still – it didn't really make much difference. She still made kicking my ass look all kinds of easy._

Giles had gotten in touch with the Council; that's how we found out the whole 'Hellgod' deal, and they came to town just full of helpful information. Apparently, Glory needed some key to open a portal or something. So where is it hidden? I don't know. Who does she _think knows where it's hidden?" She glanced at Angel and he smiled slightly._

"The Slayer."

"You got it. Anyway, there's this whole big thing where she has to perform a special ritual with the Key at this certain time so she's under a bit of a time crunch. These guys show up and _they want to destroy the Key, the Council says __we need to keep it safe so there's a big scramble to see who can find it first."_

"Did you find it?" Faith nodded. "What was it?"

"I don't really understand what it _used to be, but by the time we found it, it was human." Angel turned to her in surprise._

"What?"

"Turns out the Key was Buffy's kid sister all along."

            "Wait a minute. Buffy doesn't _have a sister." Faith looked puzzled for a second and then she smiled._

            "Yeah." She shook her head. "Right. I forgot; you don't remember her yet."

            "What?" Faith pinched the bridge of her nose before beginning the tiresome explanation.

            "She's not _really Buffy's sister. That's what the monk's made everyone believe."_

            "The monks?"

            "Yeah, monks. They tried to hide the Key by making it human. Gave everyone memories of her, sent her to us as Buffy's little sis."

            "Why?"

            "I don't know. They wanted her to have protection; maybe they didn't know Buffy was…gone or maybe they figured I'd be around to protect her. Who knows? I gave up trying to figure it out a long time ago."

            "Were you two friends?"

            "You know, it's weird because even though Buffy and I fought all the time, or maybe that was part of it, I always got along with the kid. I kept an eye on her after Buffy…" She glanced at Angel. "After.  Except, I didn't, because that stuff never happened. I remember it though; it's real to me."

            "What was she like?" Faith smiled.

            "She was a little brat. Always bugging Buffy, trying to piss her off by hanging around with me." Her smile faded. "Those memories of her aren't real, but they mean more to me than all the real memories I have of my life before I came to this town. She freaked when we found out, but then she was so brave. We tried to keep her safe, but there was just… we weren't prepared for her, for Glory and she- she took her." Faith was silent for a long time as she remembered everything that came next. Angel reached out and touched her arm, startling her back to the present.

            "You okay?" She nodded and then braced herself for the rest.

"We managed to stop the ritual in time, but Glory got away. We didn't know where she went and, really, we didn't care. We thought we'd saved the world. We thought that was the only time she could use the Key. We were so, so wrong. A couple years later she showed up again, but this time she kept a low profile. No one suspected a thing.

She took Xander and Cordy because she thought she could get them to tell her where Dawn was." She glanced at Angel. "She was living with her dad 'cause Joyce, she...she died. When they wouldn't," Faith took a shaky breath, "she tortured Xander, she did…unspeakable things to him, but he never broke. Cordelia, though, she just wanted to end Xander's torment. She told Glory where Dawn was and, as thanks, Glory killed them both." Tears ran down her face as she met Angel's eyes. "I know all this because I was there. She made me…watch." Her voice gave out on the last word and he pulled her against him. The desperate fear she had felt that day gripped her, and she held onto him tightly as she continued, "She never touched _me; she just wanted me to know that I was powerless, that I wasn't enough to stop her._

She got Dawn and then took us both to this… place; she had found another way to use the Key and wanted to make sure I was there to see. She kept me drugged; I was pretty out of it, but she made sure I was lucid enough to know what was going on. When the…blood started to flow, there was nothing I could do. I watched as the walls came down, and it was almost beautiful. Then everything started to spill out and the town was just…destroyed. Most of the people were killed, including Giles and Anya; I didn't even know until…later. They- I found the, uh, the bodies- what was left of them anyway. I'm not even sure, there was so much going on, I still don't know what killed them."

"How…how did you stop Glory?"

"I didn't; Willow did." She shook her head. "She was incredible. She killed her; I'm not even sure how, but that didn't end all the destruction. She set Dawn loose and tried to lead her away, but Dawn just… she looked at me and she smiled and then she turned around and ran. She tried to jump into the vortex to…end it all, but Willow grabbed her and they…they both went in. They died, and I did…nothing. The Slayer sits on the sidelines while her friends die saving the world. Not exactly a glowing endorsement of my career." She tried for about two seconds to put on a brave face but then she broke down sobbing. She wondered what it was about Angel that made her feel safe enough to cry like this. She didn't think anyone else had seen her cry so much, or so often and, while it was embarrassing as hell, something about the experience served to ease her misery.

He whispered things she couldn't understand and stroked her back comfortingly and soon the tears stopped and she was able to let go of him. She drew back and her hands lifted to wipe the tears from her face, but Angel beat her to it, his fingers moving softly against her skin. She closed her eyes, drew in a shaky breath and reached to still his gentle touch. She opened her eyes to meet his questioning gaze. Holding his hands as she moved them away from her face, she whispered, "I- I'm okay now."

"I'm sorry that you had to go through that, but it wasn't your fault."

"That's what Spike said when he found me, but it's not completely true. I didn't kill them, but in a way I did sentence them to death."

"That's ridiculous. How could it possibly be your fault?" She looked at him sadly.

"I killed you."

"So?"

"You could've helped stop her." He shook his head.

"You said she was so strong that not even _you could stop her. What do you think I could've done?"_

"There was a spell, a ritual actually. Tara," she smiled slightly, "you don't know her; she was nice." Her thoughts drifted for a moment. "A little skittish but nice. The first time we dealt with Glory she found this…thing, this ritual. We could have stopped her then and there, but we were missing one vital ingredient." She could tell he was puzzled so she just looked at him expectantly. Realization and disbelief spread across his face.

"_Me?" Faith nodded._

"But- how?"

"Well, I don't know why the ritual is specific to you, although I could hazard a guess. Tara said it was to achieve something called, uh, um… dammit!" She snapped her fingers impatiently as she tried to recall the name. "_Ne plus ultra? Yeah, yeah; I think that's what it was called. Anyway, it's supposed to make one of us, or maybe both-" She shook her head. "I've never been too sure about that. It makes us invincible."_

"For how long?"

"I don't know."

"Sounds kind of dangerous."

"Yeah, well, you know me." He studied her closely and she shifted uncomfortably.

"This is why you came back, then? To make sure I'm around to help?"

"That and a couple other things." She smiled sadly. "I'm almost finished." Angel was silent as he absorbed everything she had told him and Faith took the opportunity to study him. When she had decided to come back here she hadn't been sure she would even like him, much less that she'd be having all these confusing feelings for him. She supposed it had something to do with the way he looked at her. She could never tell what he was thinking, but his eyes… his eyes always let her know that everything was okay and that she was safe. Even when he had first returned and he'd been in such a savage state there had been something in his eyes that had caught and held her.

His sweetness and humor had come as a surprise too, but then everything about him had been. The way he always seemed to know how to cheer her up. The way he listened so intently when she talked to him. The way he teased her about _everything. The way he made her heart feel lighter and beat faster just by entering the room. The way he was able to make her feel safe when no one else had ever been able to. He'd become so important to her and she didn't even know what was going to happen. Would she ever see him again? Would she ever see __anyone again? Eliana had left her in the dark on that score, but no matter what happened to her afterwards she was glad she'd had the chance to get to know him. She only hoped he would be able to forgive what she planned to do._

They stayed up talking for a few more hours before Faith decided to head for bed. She got to her feet, stretching sleepily and glanced up to find Angel watching her. He did that a lot, just…watched; it was unnerving how much he saw. Sometimes it seemed like he was able to look right inside her. She shook her head slightly; she couldn't seem to go two seconds without getting all sappy over the guy. What the hell was her problem? She realized he was saying something and snapped out of her reverie.

"What?" He smiled slightly and she wondered if he could tell she'd been thinking about him.

"You never told me how Spike died." Her whole body tensed.

"That wasn't something you could have prevented," she replied stiffly as she turned to go. "I'm the only one that can stop that from happening."

"What do you mean?" She sighed wearily and threw him a look over her shoulder.

"I'm tired, Angel. Can we talk about it later?" He just stared at her for a second and she feared that he knew the real reason she didn't want to talk about it.

"Sure. Sorry." Now she felt like a jerk.

"Look, I didn't mean to snap at you. I just-" She broke off abruptly. "G'night, Angel."

"Sweet dreams." She felt like crying as she shut her door. If he only knew.

Time passed quickly, each day bringing her closer to an uncertain future. She tried to distance herself from Angel thinking it would be easier to say goodbye that way, but found it impossible. Instead her feelings for him grew ever more confusing and she wondered how she would ever be able to leave him. Her guilt grew as well. She didn't understand how she could love Spike and feel this way towards Angel at the same time. Eliana said it was a good thing, but she didn't see how it possibly could be.

Angel seemed to have been more or less accepted by the gang; he continued to patrol with them every night and checked in at all the meetings. Faith, the other Faith, had taken to dropping by the mansion occasionally ever since Angel had saved her life, and was in fact there now. It was nice that they were becoming friends, but annoying for _her since she had to hide away out of sight every time. Also annoying was the fact that the other Faith flirted outrageously with him at every opportunity, moving around all seductively and hugging him tightly before she left. God, had she really been so obvious back then? She'd been at the mansion for close to an hour before she finally left. Coming out of the back room Faith felt like blushing when Angel turned to look at her._

"So what did she want to talk about _this time?" Angel smiled._

"New Watcher."

"He's here already?"

"You know him?" She gave him a pointed look and he seemed a little embarrassed. "Of course you know him. Sorry." Her amusement bubbled over into a wide grin.

"I'll try to contain my urge to mock you." Her grin faded a bit. "So. Wes is here. He's a day early this time. Weird."

"What's he like?"

"He's kind of a prig, but he doesn't last long."

"Why not?"

"When Buffy died I made a formal request that Giles be my Watcher. The Council okayed it, but I guess it didn't look good for Wes or something 'cause they tossed him." She crossed her arms defensively. "I never meant for him to get fired. I mean, he wasn't a _bad guy; I was just more comfortable with Giles." Angel nodded in understanding._

"Do you know what happened to him after?" She shrugged.

"Last I heard he had joined some group of vampire hunters in London. Heard they were pretty effective." Her thoughts drifted and she spaced for a second. When she snapped out of it Angel was watching her.

"You alright?" She nodded. "Where'd you go?"

"Just thinking back." She smiled, shaking off the memories. "I'm a little hungry."

"I have to make a blood run; you want me to pick something up for you?"

"Aw, you're sweet. Maybe you could get me a burger and some fries?" Angel nodded as he pulled on his jacket.

"Be right back." As the door closed her smile disappeared. She hated this. She wanted to confide in him so badly, the way she had about everything else, but she knew she couldn't. He would try to stop her, and she _had to do this one final thing. For Spike. Then everything would be right, everything would be fixed. Tonight was the night. She was running out of time, and she had to do it now before she lost her nerve. After she headed for bed she'd wait awhile and then sneak out. Angel wouldn't even know until after the deed was done. She closed her eyes in anguish; he would probably hate her. She didn't know if she could bear his hatred. She opened her eyes and tried to strengthen her resolve. It __had to be done; she'd deal with the consequences later. For now she would enjoy her evening with Angel; it would probably be the last time they were together as friends. She doubted he'd want to hang out with a murderer._

TBC

_Thanks for the reviews. Hope you like this chapter._


	9. Guilt and Desperation

**Time Out of Mind**

Author: kittyb90

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Guilt and Desperation

            It was funny how despair brought such clarity. Every word, every thought cut into her with the precision of a surgeon's scalpel; emotions were clearer and time seemed to slow as she spent her last moments with Angel. Soon that teasing light in his eyes would turn to disgust and disappointment and all she would have would be the memories of their time together. She wondered if he had any idea of how she really felt about him. She guessed it didn't really matter what he knew; soon she'd be gone and he'd probably be glad to be rid of her.

            "I don't know though. What do you think?" She glanced up and gave his question some serious thought before answering.

            "Well, the duster is okay, but I think the shorter jacket looks better. You should try going without a coat once in a while; see how that look works for you." She grinned impishly. "I mean, you don't have to be the dark prince all the time. Try throwing a little color into your ensemble every now and then. You know, mix it up."

"I wear black because it's easy to match. I can't stare into the mirror for hours like you do checking out my 'look' _every time we go somewhere." She whipped a fry at him in mock indignation._

"I do not stare into the mirror for hours!"

"I guess it just _seems like hours when I'm waiting."_

"What are you complaining about; don't you have, like, eternity? It's not like it's gonna kill you to wait a few minutes."

"Yeah, but you're trying to keep a low profile. When you go out looking all gorgeous it only means more people notice you." She smiled.

"Gorgeous, huh? You sure know how to feed a girl's ego." She eyed him seriously for a second.

"What?"

"I'm trying to decide if we should do something about your hair."

"What's wrong with my hair?"

"Well, you've kinda got bed head. It sorta suits you though, hence the indecision."

"'Bed head' _suits me? Is that an insult?"_

"No! I like it. It's kind of tousled and sexy…" She broke off, blushing and muttered, "You know what I mean." The corner of his mouth twitched as he held back a smile. She picked up her burger and took a bite. She'd thought it would be difficult to smile and joke considering what she had planned for later, but somehow he brought it out effortlessly. For brief periods of time she was able to forget that she intended to kill someone tonight and just immerse herself in the friendly atmosphere of teasing and conversation.

Spike had never been one of Angel's biggest fans. She wondered if they might have been friends under different circumstances. She wondered what he would think if he knew she was harboring feelings for his enemy. Guilt hit her hard, but she pushed it aside. She was doing what she had to for Spike later; now was for _her._

"You feel like sparring after you're through eating?"

"Sure," she replied. "I got a little time to kick your ass."

"Feeling a little cocky tonight, huh?"

"It's not being cocky when it's the truth." She smiled when he gave her a gentle shove. "It'll be good to work out a little tension."

"What are you tense about?" Her smile faltered, but she covered easily.

"You know I get twitchy 'cause I haven't been able to make with the slaying."

"Yeah, it just sounded like maybe there was something else." She shook her head silently, unable to look him in the eye.

"Nope. Just plain old stir-craziness." She downed the rest of her burger, and took a swig of her soda. "You ready?"

"Bring it on."

Circling him, her senses attuned to even the slightest twitch of his body, she felt almost at peace. This she knew; this she understood. The thrill of the hunt, the clarity of the fight; it was as necessary to her as breathing, and as enjoyable as sex. Sparring with Angel was a little different than regular slaying, of course. The obvious reason being she didn't kill him in the end, but there was more to it than that. With slaying the hunt and the fight called to a dark side of her, a side that enjoyed the final deadly outcome. With Angel her enjoyment was based in lighter emotions. It was enjoyable not because of the killing, but because of the exhilaration that raced down her spine at matching him move for move, the suspense of who would win the competition this time. It was fun, and her life of late had been sorely lacking in that department.

They fought until they were bruised and exhausted, neither one willing to concede defeat. Faith was trying to decide if she should just call it a draw when he caught her in the head with a roundhouse kick, and she dropped like a stone. He pinned her easily and she wondered how he had suddenly gained the advantage. She tried to buck him off, but decided it was just easier to score this one as his victory. With a weary sigh she relaxed.

"Looks like you won."

"Looks like."

"So you gonna let me up now." He rolled sideways to lie on the floor. Faith remained flat on her back as she turned her head slightly to look at him. "I have to say, that was pretty intense." His fingers gently probed his side and he winced.

"I think you cracked a rib." She smiled and touched her tongue to her bottom lip.

"You split my lip." He laughed raggedly.

"Yeah, that's the same." She rolled towards him, reaching out to touch his ribcage.

"Which one?" He guided her hand to the spot, wincing as she ran her fingertips over the sore spot. "I'm sorry. Are you gonna be alright?"

"Vampire healing."

"Right. I'm still sorry." He smiled and threaded his fingers through hers.

"I'm fine; it was fun. Although I was beginning to think we might go all night." She laughed at his phrasing and he shot her a look. "With the fighting." She lay there watching him and her smile faded away as she realized how late it was. It was just about time to tell Angel goodnight; she needed to get ready for later. He glanced over, catching her look and tugged on her hand. "Why are you sad?" She looked away, upset that he'd noticed.

"I'm not."

"You were just looking at me, and your eyes were all big and sad. You've been looking like that a lot lately." She pulled her hand away and sat up; she couldn't look at him and lie.

"It's just personal stuff. I've been thinking about Spike alot." _Okay, not a complete lie._

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No!" she snapped. She looked at him, apology in her eyes and said softly, "No, I- I can't, not yet. It's just too…" He sat up and turned her to face him.

"Hey," His voice was gentle as he tipped her chin up slightly. "It's okay. I'm just…here if you ever _do want to talk." She looked at him, his face so sweet and serious, and thought she might cry. She put on a smile for his benefit and caught him off guard with a hug._

"You've been such a great friend; you mean more to me than you'll ever know."

"You sound like you're saying goodbye." She let out a brittle laugh.

"Of course not. It just means a lot to me that you're here for me." Without thinking she hugged him even tighter.

"Rib!"

"Sorry," she laughed, releasing him. She rubbed his side soothingly and then got to her feet. "I had better get to bed; that fight really took it outta me." She yawned for effect as she offered him a hand up. "You'll be okay?" He nodded.

"I'm fine. I've been hurt a hell of a lot worse than this before."

"I know; I just worry." She took a long look at his face, memorizing his expression. It was that perfect mix of happiness, teasing, and affection, and she wanted to be able to remember it when he looked at her with disgust later, to remember that they had been friends before she ruined it. She started to turn away, but he tightened his grip on her hand and pulled her back.

"Are you sure you're okay?" She didn't even bother faking a smile this time; she just looked at him silently and nodded. Then she turned her back on him and walked away. She barely made it to her room before the tears came.

Lying there in the dark, she tried not to think. If she thought about it too much she might decide not to go through with it. If she thought about it long enough she might walk out of this room and tell Angel the whole sad story. Then he'd talk her out of it, she'd cry for the millionth time since coming here, and he'd hold her. Spike would still die in the future, it would be all her fault again, and she would have traded his life for a few moments of comfort. So she pushed it from her mind and focused on the time, trying to figure out how long she needed to wait. She knew Angel wouldn't be going to bed, but she wanted to make sure she waited long enough that he wouldn't be right outside when she left. A loud knock on the door startled her and she bit back a scream. God, she was just a big ball of nerves! Another knock, softer this time and she hurried to the door.

"Yeah?"

"I'm going out for a bit, just wanted to let you know." She pulled the door open.

"Um, where ya goin'?" He shrugged.

"Faith, the other one, said there'd been a lot of vampire activity recently over near Restfield. Thought I'd check it out." She breathed a sigh of relief. Restfield was in the opposite direction of where she needed to go.

"Okay. I'd offer to help, but I'm wicked tired."

"Better for you stay out of sight anyway." He looked at her silently for a moment, his gaze intense and then, "Get some sleep; I'll see you later." She nodded and closed the door as he turned to go. She rested her head on the door briefly and then slowly got ready to go. She pulled on dark clothes, a hat and gloves, hoping they would disguise who she was if Buffy or the other Faith were out. She moved to retrieve the satchel she'd hidden after one of her first few trips into town. Opening it, she removed a small wooden box, and opened the lid to look inside; the contents had cost a lot, but she had wanted to make sure she got the good stuff. She debated whether or not she should bring the other item in the bag. She drew it out of its leather sheath and examined it closely; the dagger was both beautiful and frightening, and she didn't really want to use it. She slipped it back in the sheath, looked at it for another second and then tucked it in her belt. _Just in case, she thought._

The walk there seemed to take hours, and she jumped at every noise she heard. She couldn't believe she was going through with this; it went against everything she believed in and everything she stood for. She laughed bitterly. _I guess this is what happens when your boyfriend is a vampire. Only she doubted Spike would approve of what she was doing. Odd how much he'd changed in the time they'd been together. He'd become one of the good guys, and she'd become the kind of girl who committed murder for purely selfish reasons. She wondered if he'd still love her after this. Maybe she didn't have to tell him. __Maybe I won't be around to tell him._

When she got there she just stood and stared for a long time. She remembered staying at this motel when she'd first come to Sunnydale; it looked darker and lonelier than before, but that was probably just her mood. She experienced a panicked moment when she couldn't remember the room number, but then it came to her and she wondered how she'd managed to let it slip her mind. Her brain's last attempt to stop her from going through with it, she imagined.

She took a quick look around before heading towards the room. Standing to the side of the door she gave it a quick rap and then pulled back out of sight. After a couple seconds and not even a 'who is it?' the door opened. _Idiot! Who just opens the door on the Hellmouth? She brought her arm up quickly in a stinging blow; elbow to the face, dropped like a stone. Stepping into the room, she crouched down and her face filled with sadness. She reached out and gently touched the bruise already forming, her voice barely even a whisper,_

"I'm sorry, Wesley."

She had dragged him inside and tied him to the chair to wait while she prepared the syringe. She blindfolded him just in case he woke up before she was ready; she didn't think she could bear it if he knew who she was. She flipped open the box and took out the bottle of pentobarbital and the needle. She wanted to give him enough to at least knock him out, but she wasn't sure if she should give him an overdose or just knock him out and then snap his neck. While she knew the dosage needed to sedate him she wasn't sure how much was needed to kill him. She didn't want to leave the job half done; that wouldn't be good for her _or Wesley. __Snap his neck, she decided and then had to put out a hand to steady herself as a wave of nausea hit her._

The injection went smoothly, and she was happy that he wouldn't experience any pain. She felt like she should hate him, hating him might make this easier, but she didn't and that made it worse somehow. She set the used syringe down and moved behind him, taking hold of his head. She leaned her cheek against his hair for a moment, her determination slipping away now that she faced the reality of it. She took a breath and when she lifted her head the door was open.

"_Angel?" Her brain couldn't seem to process what was happening._

"Faith, you don't want to do this." He knew! How did he know?

"How did you find me?"

"I followed you." She still didn't understand.

"I thought you left to- to…patrol."

"You've been acting strange, especially tonight. I wanted to find out what was going on." He took a step forward and her brain finally kicked into gear as she fumbled for her knife. She almost dropped it as she pulled it out but, recovering quickly, she held it to Wesley's throat.

"Back off, Angel! This doesn't concern you." She tried to sound angry, but her voice broke and she just wound up sounding scared. Angel stopped when he saw the dagger, but his voice was gentle,

"It concerns me when you're getting ready to _kill a man." She shook her head slightly._

"You don't understand. This is the only way."

"The only way to do what?"

"_He killed Spike. This… this is the only way to be sure that __never happens!"_

"There are other ways, _better ways. You can't do it like this." He took a step forward. Faith's lip trembled as she shook her head again in denial._

"No. No, I…have to. I- this is what _has to happen. You," she looked at him and then quickly away, "You can't…you can't stop me."_

"Faith, you don't want to do this. You don't want to go down this road. Believe me. Killing a human… _murdering a defenseless man… this will change you in ways you can't even begin to imagine. This isn't who you are. Please," he paused, "don't do this." He moved further into the room and her hand shook._

"He… _killed Spike." Her eyes filled with tears that threatened to spill over. "He and that- that group of his; they waited for me to leave. They __knew. They __knew about the chip. They knew he couldn't defend himself; that he wouldn't be able to fight back. And they still came. They came in and, and they… they killed him. I wasn't there. I wasn't there!" A sob broke free and she tried desperately to hold back her tears. "Don't you see? He…__has to die. I have to stop him this time." Angel moved closer and shook his head slightly._

"You've already changed the future so much; you can't be sure that will even happen. You have to trust me. You have to trust me to help you. We can find another way." He stood only a couple feet away now. He held a hand out to her and she wavered. "Do you trust me?" Their eyes met and she saw sympathy and concern where she had expected to see only disgust. Her hand lowered slightly. "Faith?"

"I trust you," she whispered, and the knife fell to the floor as she let go of Wesley. When she started to collapse Angel rushed forward to catch her. As his arms closed around her she began to sob, her words an incoherent mumble. "I just wanted to save him. I wasn't there…to save him." He held her tightly as she completely broke down, finally letting go of the guilt she'd been carrying for so long.

She didn't remember leaving or going home, but when she woke up they were at the mansion and Angel still held her in his arms as he slept. She touched his cheek, his face so innocent in repose, his body unnaturally still, and she wondered why he should be so good to her. So understanding. She felt sad that such a wonderful man had to spend his life alone. He had so much love to give; he deserved the chance to be happy.

Maybe she could ask Eliana about that; maybe there was something she could do. Faith bit her lip as she realized Eliana wasn't likely to be granting her any favors after what she had done. Faith hadn't exactly been forthcoming with her plan to kill Wesley. She was supposed to be here to _save lives not take them. Eliana would be very disappointed in her._

As she watched, Angel's eyes opened and for a moment he just stared at her. She wondered what he was thinking. He was probably very upset with her; she had kept things from him, snuck around behind his back, and nearly killed someone. She braced herself for a lecture.

"Are you alright?" he asked softly. She blinked in surprise and nodded. Then she jerked upright.

"Wesley! Is he- what-"

"I called Giles. Everything is fine." She looked at him nervously. "I didn't tell him it was you; all he knows is that someone drugged Wesley. Giles took him to the hospital and he checked out okay." She slumped back down on the bed in relief.

"How did you explain finding him?"

"Told him I heard a commotion, and when I checked it out the guy was dragging Wes inside the room. Guy got away, I called Giles."

"I'm sorry you had to lie for me." Their eyes met and he reached for her hand.

"You should have told me." She closed her eyes sadly.

"I wanted to, but…"

"You were scared and confused." She nodded, and when she looked at him his eyes were filled with emotion.

"You don't have to try to be so brave all the time, Faith. You're not alone anymore." For a second she thought she might cry again, but instead she gave him a tremulous smile and moved to hug him.

"Thank you."

TBC

_I hope you liked this chapter. Thanks for the reviews._


	10. Say Goodbye

**Time Out of Mind**

Author: kittyb90

Feedback: If you like this story, please, _please give me some feedback. The last couple chapters I didn't get many reviews; it's a little disheartening. I hope everyone is still enjoying this, and hasn't abandoned it. You can leave reviews here or email me: kittyb90@hotmail.com_

Say Goodbye

            _Not alone anymore. The words resonated in her mind, bringing hope and peace along with it. She wondered if he understood what that simple statement meant to her. Remembering the emotions she'd seen in his eyes, she thought maybe he did, and maybe she could finally be free. Free of her guilt, free of her fear, free of the desperation that had plagued her for so long. It was a lot of responsibility to place on one phrase spoken in an emotional moment, but watching him as he walked into the room she knew it was possible._

            "Here you go," he said, handing her a mug as he dropped back onto the bed next to her. Cradling the mug in her palms, she breathed in the warmth and sighed with pleasure.

            "You _really didn't have to make me coffee. I should be doing stuff for you for being so great about," her gaze shifted slightly, "everything." He shook his head._

            "I wasn't 'great'. You were in trouble, and I helped you." He looked over at her. "That's what friends do. And I thought you could use something warm and soothing to drink." She smiled slightly.

            "You never take credit for anything. When I came through that portal I was a huge mess. I was saving them because I couldn't handle the guilt, but I didn't really care if I made it back. Hell, I took this trip without even knowing if I'd survive." She took a sip from the mug as she thought about it. "I was filled with fear and doubt and seven kinds of guilt, and I was sinking deeper into depression every day." She shook her head in disbelief as she looked at him. "You changed all that, and you have no idea what this time with you has meant to me." She felt tears threatening and turned away from him, but he reached out and turned her face back to his.

            "_You changed all that, not me," he insisted._

            "You gave me the strength."

            "You always had the strength." She put her hand over his.

            "I've never felt safe in my life." She turned her head slightly and kissed his palm before letting go of his hand. "I feel safe with you." They watched each other silently for a moment and then she smiled. "Argue with _that!" He laced his hands behind his head and gave her a lazy smile._

            "You're amazing." She shot him a look.

            "Yeah, a homicidal depression is _real freakin' amazing." He let out a guttural laugh._

            "See, we're a lot alike."

            "Oh? You go out killing innocent people often, do you?" His jaw tightened, and she closed her eyes at her thoughtlessness. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "Sometimes I just say stuff, and my brain isn't able to keep up. It's a sickness, really. I-"

            "It's okay." He cut her off, his voice quiet. "I meant that you don't take credit for anything either. I just told you you're amazing, and you brushed it off like it was nothing. I was serious." He rolled toward her. "I remember, you know. When I first got back, and I was all – savage? I remember you. Feeding me, taking care of me, watching over me; the memories are kind of dream-like, but I remember it. I remember your eyes, gentle and haunted." He was watching her again, and Faith felt trapped in the intensity of his gaze. "I know how depressed you've been. Even before you opened up to me about what happened, I could tell how much pain you were in. But you still came here, and you're still fighting, trying to save everyone. I watched you struggle with the darkness and beat it. You have a strength of will that I find incredible." He leaned up to rest on an elbow. "But you act like it's nothing, like you don't matter. Why?"

            Faith shifted uncomfortably. She didn't enjoy discussing herself, but he was being so sweet and sincere that she found herself wanting to confide in him. She finished up her coffee and set it aside, leaning back against the pillows and resting her hands on her stomach. She glanced over to find him still watching and waiting.

            "I never really belonged anywhere. All my life people put me down, told me I was nothing. You hear something often enough, you start to believe it." She looked down at the stretch of blanket between them. "Everybody always leaves. I learned that lesson early on, and every time I let someone get close, I learned it again. It wasn't voluntary when Anya and Giles died. The leaving, I mean. It's not like they decided to die, but I still got left behind."

            "So you tried to distance yourself from Spike."

            "And then he left me, too. Again, not his choice, but the fact that I left him first made it hurt even worse." She glanced back up at him briefly, uncomfortable laughter filling the silence. "I don't know if that answers your question. I've probably bored you to tears." He shook his head and tugged her towards him until she lay with her back against his chest. Slightly confused, she glanced over her shoulder at him as he put his arm around her waist.

            "You are a lot of things, but boring has never been one of them." His arm tightened slightly. "And you're _not 'nothing'."_

            "You're a sweetie, but it's not that easy to overcome years of conditioning."

            "Well then I guess I have my work cut out for me." She reached a hand back and gently touched his cheek.

            "So, uh, what are we doing here?"

            "It's this wacky new thing called snuggling. It's supposed to be comforting."

            "So this is you comforting me?"

            "Mm-hmm."

            "It's nice." She threaded her fingers through his. "I'm still a little sleepy. Will you stay with me?"

            "I hadn't planned on leaving." She smiled slightly and drifted into a peaceful sleep.

            Faith felt Eliana long before the familiar hum woke her. It was like a delicate ribbon weaving its way into her dreams and slowly winding around her body. She felt it, that sensation of peace and tranquility, pulling at her and knew without a doubt who it belonged to. She opened her eyes reluctantly, moving out from under Angel's arm and then padding barefoot into the other room. The intensity of the light was almost too much for Faith to handle, and she stumbled back

            "Could you maybe, cut the high beams, El? I'd prefer not to burn out my retinas." The light dimmed slightly and Faith moved closer.

            "Sorry. I wasn't expecting a room with mirrors in a vampire's house." Faith smiled, but the smile faded as she realized why Eliana must be here.

            "Yeah, well, Angel said a girl needs a place to check her look. He bought a couple for me; he's real sweet like that." She crossed her arms defensively. "He's a really great guy, you know. A little broody sometimes, but everyone needs a good brood every once in awhile. I think he's allowed a little gravity, what with going to hell and all. And I _do realize I'm babbling, but I'm just really nervous about what you're going to say, and I can't seem to stop talking." She took a deep breath before pressing her lips firmly together in an attempt to halt the flow of words._

            "Why are you worried about what I'm going to say?"

            "Well, I wasn't exactly up-front about my, uh, murderous scheme. I figure you're here to make with the punishing." Eliana smiled.

            "You think we were unaware of your intentions towards the Watcher?" Faith's eyes widened slightly. "We knew of your plans before you even left."

            "But-"

            "We also had hope that you would do the right thing."

            "But I was ready to kill him; I _would have killed him if Angel hadn't…"_

            "Ah, yes. Angel. When we saw that you were developing feelings for Angel, we knew you would do the right thing."

            "How did that convince you?"

            "When we first came to you with this opportunity you were filled with such dark despair. Alone and miserable, the only thing holding you together, the only thing keeping you alive, was your obsessive desire to right what you considered to be your wrongs." Eliana moved closer, reaching out to gently grasp Faith's chin. "This vampire of yours has brought you back to life, reminded you of the things worth living for. Friendship, love," Eliana paused, smiling. "Fun. Look at you now, no longer consumed with grief, laughing, trusting. It looks good on you." Eyes damp with unshed tears, Faith turned away and whispered,

            "He told me I'm not alone anymore." She laughed wonderingly. "He says I'm amazing."

            "He's very wise."

            "He's not mine though; he's in love with someone else." She turned back to face Eliana. "I'm not complaining or anything; I just- I was wondering if you have the power to help him. He deserves to be happy, but there's this curse."

            "We are well aware of the curse. What is it you're asking of us?"

            "Is there any way to give him his soul forever? You know, without the happy clause."

            "That _is within our power, but it comes with a heavy price. We had planned to reward the good you've done here by granting you one request."_

            "So what's the problem?"

            "We had assumed yours would be to return to the new future you've created, but now you ask for Angel's soul. We cannot do both; it isn't allowed."

            "Wait a minute. Are you telling me that I have to choose between helping Angel and going home?" Eliana nodded. "What happens to me if I don't go home?"

            "Well, the other you would continue on this new path and live her life with no knowledge of any other future. You, though – _you would cease to be."_

            "Like, _die, or just fade out of existence?" She shivered. "Actually, I guess it doesn't really matter. Either way, kinda depressing. So if I go back what happens to her?"_

            "You are her."

            "What?"

            "You don't replace her; you just sort of merge with her. You'll have experienced everything she has, gained the new memories, but you'll still remember everything you remember now." Eliana held out a small vial filled with blue liquid. "Here. You shouldn't decide now. Take some time and think it over. When you decide, drink this and make your request. You'll have some time afterward, maybe an hour, but you must leave this place."

            "You're kinda like my own personal genie." Faith's amusement was bittersweet.

            "No, that's granting wishes. I cannot give you anything you desire, just certain requests. Besides, genies are a cunning breed; they tend to be evil." Faith flashed her a brief grin.

            "So, same deadline as before?"

            "Yes, you must leave before the battle." Eliana took her hand. "Just remember to follow your heart; you don't do that often enough." Faith nodded and then the light disappeared, taking Eliana with it.

            Moving back into the bedroom, Faith stared at the small vial for a moment, wondering why she needed to drink it first. Then she tucked it in her pocket and crawled back into bed with Angel, wiggling around until she was back in her original position. For now she would enjoy the comfort of his arms. She could save the hard decisions for later.

            Faith rolled over, stretching languorously as her eyelids fluttered open. It took a moment before she realized he was watching her. She smiled crookedly, hoping she didn't look too horrible. His expression was unreadable, and she wondered if he was having second thoughts about her. Then the corner of his mouth kicked up slightly and he said,

            "You snore." She laughed in relief and then shoved him.

            "I do _not snore!"_

            "Yeah, you do. And you mutter."

            "I mutter?"

            "In your sleep." He grinned. "You mutter. I couldn't understand a word of it; you were all incoherent."

            "Great. So now I have to worry about looking stupid when I'm asleep. Thanks for giving me a complex."

            "It wasn't stupid; it was cute." He brushed a strand of hair off her face, his expression affectionate. She flushed and couldn't quite look him in the eye.

            "Oh. Well, in that case – you're forgiven." She glanced up. "What's the plan today? Maybe you should go see Buffy."

            "What?"

            "Well, I thought you might want to try making up with her. I'd hate for this situation, or our friendship, to come between the two of you. Maybe you two should talk, or something." He rolled onto his back.

            "She and I _have talked. Plenty. About…everything, but I'm pretty sure it's over between us." He closed his eyes briefly. "It's not your fault; it's just- it's complicated." She watched him sadly._

            "What if you didn't have to worry about losing your soul?" He turned to look at her, and a strange expression crossed his face.

            "I don't like to play 'what if'," he said shortly, looking away. "Besides, it's more complicated than that."

            "But you do still love her, right?"

            "How about we change the subject? I don't want to talk about this." His voice bordered on harsh, and she pulled away, stung.

            "Sorry." She couldn't look at him, suddenly desperate to get out of the room. "I'm, uh, gonna go get something to eat. I'm starving." She scrambled off the bed and hurried towards the door.

            "Faith, wait." She stopped in the doorway but didn't look back.

            "What?" She heard him sigh as he sat up.

            "I'm sorry." Waving a dismissive hand in his direction, she forced her voice to sound cheerful,

            "Yeah, sure. Don't worry about it." And then she left the room, unaware of the sadness on Angel's face.

            Angel spent most of his free time with her over the next few weeks, even taking her on patrol with him when he was sure they wouldn't be caught. They talked about all sorts of things – his childhood, her ex-boyfriends, their shared hatred of mimes – but Faith never brought up Buffy again. She understood that it was a touchy subject, but it hurt that he had refused to discuss it with her at all. However, his refusal had helped her come to a decision. She figured being without Buffy must be extremely painful for him, and if it hurt him that much she really didn't have a choice. She had to help him.

            The day before graduation was rough for Faith. She knew she had to make her request that night and, while she was terrified of what would happen to her, the biggest stress came from trying to figure out how to tell Angel. She wanted him to know that he was finally free of the curse, but she didn't want him to know about the sacrifice she was making. That would probably ruin it for him, and he'd try to talk her out of it. He loved to play the martyr; he wouldn't want her cutting in on his gig. She shook her head. That wasn't fair. It wasn't his fault he was such a good guy, but she was damned if she was gonna let him ruin this. This was her decision, and she had already made it.

            He was sleeping now, getting in a nap before nighttime came and he could get out of the mansion. She stood in the hall and watched him for a moment; his sleep was so peaceful now, so different from when he'd first returned. She wondered what he dreamed of these days. Wandering into the main room, she wiped away a tear; the thought of never seeing him again was painful. Eliana had said she would 'cease to be'. Faith guessed that meant no awareness of what happened after and decided that could be considered a blessing. No awareness meant no pain, and she'd leave knowing that Angel would be able to find happiness with the woman he loved.

            The mansion was too quiet, and the oppressive silence wasn't helping her shake off the impending sense of doom. Music sounded good, but she wasn't really in the mood for hard rock; she felt the need for something a little gentler. Bypassing her CDs she headed for Angel's collection. She knew he wouldn't mind; he'd been trying to educate her on classical music for awhile now, but she'd been stubborn in her refusal. It seemed a fitting goodbye to finally give in. Grabbing the first one in the pile, she pulled the case open and popped it into the player.

            She gathered together several of the large pillows Angel had bought to shut her up about the lack of comfortable furnishings in the mansion. Laying back to enjoy the music, she studied the room critically. The pillows were comfy, but this place could really use a couple bean bag chairs and a nice sofa; she should have tried to talk him into that.

The music started and she closed her eyes as it flowed through her.  It was in a different language so she couldn't understand a word the guy was saying, but the emotion… She definitely understood the emotion. It was a mix of sadness and hope, causing an ache in her chest. She drifted somewhere between sleep and wakefulness, her mind filled with thoughts of Angel. By the time the song finished her face was wet with tears, and she felt a little foolish.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" Angel said quietly into the silence. Faith wiped at her face before sitting up. "Canto Della Terra, it's one of my favorites."

"What language is it?"

"Italian. Did you like it?" Faith smiled, drawing her knees up to her chest.

"I'm over here wiping tears off my face, and you have to ask?" He moved to sit next to her, and she tilted her head to look at him. "It was really wonderful."

"So why are you suddenly listening to this stuff?"

"I wasn't in the mood for hard rock." Angel's eyes widened and he reached out to touch her forehead. "What are you doing?"

"Checking for a fever; I figured you must be sick." Leaning sideways, she nudged him with an elbow.

"Ha. Ha. Very funny." She rested her head on his shoulder, and he draped an arm around her. The next song had started awhile ago, and the music drifted around them as they sat together, both lost in their own thoughts. "You need a couch."

"Hmm?" Faith pointed a couple feet away.

"You need a couch right there. This whole place is all sharp corners and hard edges; it isn't exactly visitor-friendly." He shrugged.

"I don't have that many visitors." She glanced up at him.

"You have me." Their eyes met and he just studied her for a long breathless moment. Then he smiled and whispered,

"Yeah." She let herself get caught in his eyes briefly before pulling away and clearing her throat.

"I, uh, I have something I want to give you. Kind of a present before I-" she caught herself, "before the battle tomorrow. You know, for good luck." She got to her feet and headed for her room. "You wait here; I'll be right back."

In her room she collapsed against the door as soon as she shut it, her head dropped back and she closed her eyes. She didn't know how she was going to get through the next few minutes. Saying goodbye to Angel was going to be one of the hardest things she'd ever had to do. She ran a shaky hand through her hair and straightened up. At least he'd finally be able to be with Buffy. He knew what needed to be done to save her, and soon his soul wouldn't be a problem. _I'm doing the right thing, she thought. __I just have to get past the hard part._

She moved to retrieve the vial, staring at it for a moment before unscrewing the cap, touching the glass hesitantly to her lips and then tipping it back. The liquid tasted cool, but it burned going down and she was struck by a sudden wave of dizziness. It passed quickly, and she bent to pick up her dagger. Pulling it from its sheath, she held the cool metal carefully against her cheek. This weapon had great sentimental value for her and she wanted Angel to have it, something to remember her by. He was probably wondering what was taking so long. Tilting her head back and closing her eyes, she whispered,

"Please give Angel his soul permanently." After a few seconds she opened her eyes, put the knife away, and headed back into the main room. It seemed almost anticlimactic. Faith kept expecting a bright flash of light or a loud clap of thunder to mark the occasion, but everything remained quiet and dark. Angel stood as she approached, smiling in anticipation of whatever she had for him. _If he only knew._

"Took you long enough. What did you get lost in there?" She smiled and flipped him off.

"I know this may seem odd in light of the fact that I almost killed a man with this, but," she held out the dagger, "Giles gave me this a couple years ago. He said it use to belong to a friend of his, and he wanted me to have it. It was the best present I ever got, and I want you to have it."

"Don't you want to keep it?"

"I want you to have it, as a symbol of our friendship and what you mean to me." He took it and tugged her towards him for a hug.

"You're saying goodbye again. What's going on?"

"I have some really great news." She swallowed her tears and forced a smile as she pulled back. "You don't have to worry about the curse anymore."

"What?"

"I, uh, sort of called in a favor and your soul is yours. Worry free. Isn't that great?" He still looked puzzled. "You don't have to worry about losing your soul anymore. You can get as happy as you want without all the badness." Realization spread across his face, and she thought she saw tears in his eyes.

"Are you serious?" His voice was hoarse and she nodded happily, moving easily into his embrace. Her hand lightly caressed his back as his arms tightened around her. Closing her eyes, she let herself get lost in the sensation of being held by him. She wished that he could hold her like this forever and that the rest of the world would disappear, but mostly she just wished she could stay. Tears began to trail down her cheeks, and she knew it was time to let him go. Pulling away, she reached up and trailed a hand down the side of his face.

"I hope you and Buffy will be very happy." She pulled completely out of his arms and turned to leave. He grabbed her hand.

"Wait! What? Where are you going?"

"I have to leave now; my time is up."

"But I thought-" He broke off and stared at her in confusion. "What happens to you now?" She looked away and shrugged.

"I'll be gone."

"You have to go _now?" Faith nodded. "I don't understand."_

"You don't have to." She looked up at him and smiled. "Just… be happy." His jaw twitched, and he took a step towards her.

"I'll miss you." Her lip trembled, and she almost broke down.

"I'll miss you, too." Moving towards the door, she turned at the last second to look at him one last time. She hesitated for a moment, and he watched as she came back towards him. She reached up and touched his face with one hand, the other brushing back his hair. Sliding her hands to his shoulders, she stretched up to touch her lips to his. Angel's arms came up convulsively as he crushed her against him, their mouths moving together, desperate, seeking, hungry. Her fingers slid up into his hair, and she moaned low in her throat as their bodies pressed impossibly closer. She pulled back abruptly, and he almost didn't let her go. Touching her fingers to his lips, she smiled through her tears as she whispered brokenly,

"I love you." By the time he realized she was going, she was already gone, leaving him with his hand pressed to the door as it closed.

TBC

_I hope you enjoyed this chapter! In case there are any Andrea Bocelli experts reading this, I wanted to point out that I took a bit of dramatic license with the song mentioned in this chapter. Canto Della Terra was copyrighted in 1999 so it is possible that Angel could have the CD, but highly improbable. For anyone who hasn't heard the song, you should check it out; it is truly beautiful. If you'd like to see the lyrics and the English translation you can find them here – www.bocellionline.com/Canto.htm_


	11. Heart of an Angel

**Time Out of Mind**

Author: kittyb90

Rating: I'm kicking the rating up to an R for something that happens towards the end; you'll know it when you see it.

Author's Note: To Dark Wolf – this is what I've been working up to all along; hope you like it! J

Heart of an Angel

            _She felt like she was floating, but she couldn't see anything. It was like she was in some sort of void. Where am I? __She tried to speak, but nothing happened. After a few panicked moments, her mind was filled with a fuzzy image. As it slowly came into focus she could see that it was her. She was working out and it appeared to be graduation day. Great. So, no luck with the 'me being blissfully unaware' situation, huh? Frickin' wonderful. __She felt someone shush her, and then she was drawn into the scene in her mind. It was strange. Like she was watching it and experiencing it all at the same time. Then there was no more thought, just the moment._

            She pulled off the headphones as she finished her workout. Wiping her arm across her forehead, she turned for her water bottle and almost knocked it over when she saw Angel standing there. How did he always manage to sneak up on her?

            "God, Angel! You trying to give me a heart attack?" She started to smile until she noticed his expression. He looked almost…desolate. He glanced up suddenly, his gaze intense.

            "You know I'll always be here for you, right?"

            "Yeah, sure." She smiled seductively and brushed up against him. "And I'll be here for you." His hands gripped her arms almost painfully tight.

            "I'm serious. I will _always be here." She pulled back and took a sip of water._

            "What's going on? Did something happen to Buffy?" Her eyes widened, and she tensed up in fear. "Did something happen to Giles?"

            "No, nothing like that." She relaxed slightly, sighing in relief before punching him hard in the arm.

            "Quit acting weird. You're freaking me out." She grinned, sliding up to sit on the edge of the table, but he looked so sad that she got worried again. "Angel, what's wrong?" He brushed her cheek tenderly.

            "Just missing a friend." Faith eyed him seriously, all flirtatiousness set aside for the moment.

            "You know I'm here for you too. If you ever need to…talk or whatever." She shrugged self-consciously. "For real. No come-ons." A ghost of a smile crossed his face as he moved to sit next to her.

            "I know. Thanks." He looked down at the floor, apparently lost in thought, and Faith watched him silently.

_Fading back out, her eyelids fluttered rapidly as images of battle flashed through her mind. Graduation, fighting the mayor, Angel saving Buffy, vampires, an ambush outside a cemetery, Angel saving her three damn times__! God, you'd think she was some kind of lame ass in a fight if all you saw was that. The images slowed and then tightened focused, drawing her in again._

            She swung the ax easily, the vampire exploding into a dusty cloud as his head was severed from his body. Turning quickly, she saw that Angel was handling the other two. What a guy! She didn't like to sit on the sidelines though and jammed her stake into the back of one just as Angel grabbed him. As the vamp disappeared Angel shot her a look that was equal parts appreciation and annoyance. Shrugging, he turned and finished the other one. She tossed him the ax and he caught it easily as she bent to pick up her fallen crossbow.

            "Told you the ax would be better for patrolling," he said, his expression slightly smug. "Crossbow's better for long range."

            "Well, I could've taken them out from back there if _someone hadn't shouted my name, and let 'em know I was there."_

            "There was a Frovalach demon sneaking up on you! If I hadn't warned you; you might be dead now." She set off across the cemetery, and he fell in beside her as she said,

            "I was aware of the Frova-whatever. I was planning on dealing with it after I dusted the vamps. Hey, refresh my memory; _why is the vicious demon still alive? Oh yeah! It ran away when you shouted." He reached out and shoved her, and she kicked him in the back of the knee causing him to stumble. He glared at her for a second and then they both started laughing._

            "The expression on your face was priceless," he said.

            "Yeah, well my favorite part was your mad dash after the Frovy-thing that resulted in your tumble down the hill. Man, you went down hard!"

            "I didn't hear you laughing when that big vamp knocked you on your ass!"

            "That wasn't funny." She tried to kick him again, but he dodged it, laughing. "So, what are you doing later?"

            "What did you have in mind?" he asked, his voice all studied indifference.

            "The Bronze, a few drinks. Unwind?" He looked tempted and she smiled. "Could be fun." She could tell he was wavering and grabbed his hand. "Come on, stud. Live a little!" Angel laughed.

            "Alright, let's get crazy."

            "That's the spirit! I knew you were a party animal at heart. Maybe if I get enough liquor in you you'll even dance!"

            _Everything spun out again for a moment, and then back in on what appeared to be later the same night._

            "So they arrested you?" Faith nodded at Angel's question before she downed a shot. "Did they give you anything to wear?"

            "Yeah, after they frisked me." She raised an eyebrow at him. "I guess they thought I might be carrying a concealed weapon." He smiled and she called the bartender over. "Hey, sweet cheeks," she said, a sultry smile in place as she nodded in Angel's direction. "My friend here needs another drink. I'd order him a Screaming Orgasm, 'cause he _really needs one, but I'm thinking he's more of a Suffering Bastard kinda guy." The bartender laughed, and Angel shot her a dirty look before saying,_

            "I'll just have a whiskey, thanks. Crested Ten." The bartender nodded.

            "Good choice." He smiled at Faith. "Although I think your girlfriend might be trying to tell you something." Faith tried not to laugh as he walked away. She leaned toward Angel and giggled.

            "Aw, check me out; I'm your girlfriend!"

            "Yeah," Angel groused. "My unsatisfied girlfriend, apparently."

            "I don't know why he would think that. I said _you needed an orgasm, not me."_

            "Could we…not?"

"Not what?"

"Talk about sex."

            "You brought it up, sweetie."

            "No you brought it up with your drink order." Faith flashed him a smile.

            "Really?" Angel shook his head with a rueful grin.

            "Poor choice of words." The bartender brought Angel's drink and blew a kiss at Faith. "You know, he's awful flirtatious for a guy who thinks you're my girlfriend."

            "Why don't you flash him your game face? I bet he'd back right off." They shared a look and laughed. They drifted into silence as Angel sipped his drink. "Come on," she said, getting to her feet. "Dance with me."

            "I don't dance."

            "Come on, Angel. It's a slow song; all you have to do is hold me and sway." He watched her for a second, and she was sure he would say no, but then he set his drink aside and stood.

            "Alright." She smiled and took his hand.

            _More images. Buffy laying out a plan, Will and Xan being silly as Giles tried to get everyone to be serious. Hanging with Anya, giving her pointers on how to seduce Giles (not that the girl needed much help; Giles was completely smitten). And image after image of Faith and Angel hanging out together until one caught her and pulled her in._

            This time they were sitting on a couch in the mansion. Faith was leaning against Angel's side and he had his arm around her. She held his hand, her fingers tangled with his on her shoulder, and they appeared to be deep in discussion.

            "So he shows up, and he just demands a trade, you know. Ballsy, I'll admit, but he's still a killer, right? So I was all set to stake him when Buffy and Giles decided he might be useful. He claims to have information on the commando guys. I don't know though; he's kinda shifty."

            "Typical Spike. Defenseless, but still trying to come out on top."

            "You know him?" He looked down at her, puzzled.

            "Didn't they tell you? He and Drusilla-"

            "Oh, yeah!" Faith laughed at her forgetfulness. "I'm retarded. So? What do you think of him?" He looked as though he was debating on what to say. "Angel?"

            "The truth? I don't like him, but you should form your own opinion." She grinned.

            "Always do." He gave her an unreadable look, and she wondered, as always, what he was thinking.

            "Just… be careful."

            "Aw, you're worried." She leaned up and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "That's sweet." She snuggled back into his side. "But unnecessary. I'm a big girl; I think I can handle Spike."

            "I'm sure you can," he said, and she smiled as she curled her arm across him in a hug.

_Flashing forward again. This time they were sparring, and Faith smiled as her own recent memories of sparring rose up in her mind. Pushing them aside for later, she focused on what they were saying._

            "He's just… I've never met anyone as good at being a wiseass as I am. He matches me word for word, you know? He can hold his own." Angel dodged a punch and stepped back slightly.

            "This is something you find attractive?"

            "Yeah, kinda. I mean, imagine the fights we could have." Angel watched her as they circled each other, disapproval radiating off of him in waves. "I can practically see the word 'lecture' on your face." He shook his head.

            "You're an adult; I'm not going to tell you how to live your life. I just think there should be more to a relationship than constant fights and great makeup sex." Faith blocked a roundhouse kick and then signaled a timeout.

            "Whoa! There has _not been any makeup sex. No sex of any kind, actually. Why the hell would you say something like that?" He looked at her, his eyes dark._

            "Let's just say I have a feeling about you two." She watched as he turned and walked off.

            "Are we gonna finish sparring?" He didn't look back.

            "Later. I'm not really in the mood right now." She wrapped her arms around herself as he left the room, and she wondered what was wrong.

            _Rapid shift again. Sometimes she was hanging out with Angel, sometimes fighting with Spike. Several scenes of the Scooby gang, Spike and Angel always at odds over something. Faster and faster at an almost painful rate, and then suddenly - _

            This time she was with Spike. She lay next to him, out of breath and satisfied, sheets tangled around their nakedness. Spike glanced sideways at her, sitting up to retrieve his smokes.

            "Well," he said as he lit a cigarette and took a drag. "That was unexpected." Faith smiled.

            "I don't know. Angel said he had a feeling about us."

            "No offense, luv, but I prefer a woman not discuss other men in my bed. Especially not him." She leaned up and kissed his shoulder.

            "Aw, are you jealous?"

            "Well, yeah. When he's the first bloody thing you think of after having sex with me; of course I am."

            "We're just friends, Spike." Faith relaxed back onto the pillow.

            "Couldn't you just not be friends? I mean, what's the big attraction?" She sat up abruptly and climbed out of bed, pulling the sheet along to cover herself.

            "I owe him my life, Spike. He's been there for me through a lot of shit. If you can't understand that then maybe this was a mistake." She began looking for her clothes.

            "Wait a minute, wait a minute!" He grabbed her arm and pulled her against him. "I'm sorry." He pushed her hair back and kissed her neck. "I'm sorry, luv. I'm just a little touchy when it comes to Angel."

            "Well, I'm not giving him up for anyone, not even you. He's my best friend so I think maybe you should learn how to deal." He turned her around.

            "I will, I promise. Right now, though, I'm more concerned with you and me getting along." He nipped at her neck.

            "Quit it." He smiled at her and she smiled back reluctantly.

            "Come back to bed."

            _Fast forward again. The commandos, Adam, the final battle; this time Buffy and Co. saved the day. More scenes with Spike, less and less of Angel. He seemed to be avoiding her. Faith was upset, then – Angel's mansion._

            Angel seemed not to have heard her come in, and so she watched him silently, enjoying his graceful movements as he finished his exercise. He moved across the room, dropping onto a chair and reaching for something she couldn't quite see. He slowly brought his hands to his face and she saw he was holding a shirt. Was he…_smelling the shirt; what was that about?  He set it aside suddenly, and then he spoke,_

            "How long have you been there?"

"Not long." She moved further into the room. "I haven't seen you much lately."

"I thought you might want a little time alone. New relationship and all." He stood up, turning to face her.

"Just because Spike and I have a…thing, that doesn't mean I'm dropping my best friend. I made that clear to him; I guess maybe I should've made it clear to you too." He just stared at her, his expression unreadable, and she sighed. "I hate it when you do that."

"Do what?"

"Get all closed off and stone-faced." She moved over and wrapped her arms around his waist. "Don't shut me out. I need you."

"I didn't mean to shut you out; I was just trying to give you some privacy." She laughed.

"I don't need privacy from you." Faith looked up at him and smiled. "Now go get changed; it's time to party."

"Where are we going?"

"Patrol and then you're taking me dancing."

"Only the-"

"Yeah, yeah, I remember. Slow songs only." She shoved him towards his room. "We all know that's just an excuse for you to hold me." He shot her a smile, and she waved him off impatiently. "Go get dressed! I'm not gonna wait all night."

_Shift. The next night. Angry Spike._

"I don't understand why you didn't tell me." Faith spun around in exasperation.

"I _did tell you. I told you I was going out with a friend."_

"Yeah, a friend. I assumed you meant Anya or Willow. If I'd have known you meant you were taking Angel out dancing…"

"If you had known… What? You would have forbidden me? Tried to keep me from going? What?" Spike shook his head.

"Like I could ever forbid you to do something."

"Damn right." He smiled.

"It just would've been nice to know is all. Then maybe jealousy wouldn't have ripped through my bleedin' gut when I saw him with his arms around you." His expression grew angry again. "Maybe I could have prepared myself for seeing your body pressed up against his as if…" his eyes flashed yellow as he broke off. Faith sighed.

"We're just friends."

"Friends don't dance like that, pet." Throwing her hands up in disgust, she yanked her coat off the bed and strode to the door. She ripped it open, turning to look back at him.

"When you're through with all this macho bullshit, give me a call."

_Months flashed by in the blink of an eye. Making up, fighting, making up, fighting – and Angel always there when she needed a friend. Hanging out, going to the movies, patrolling, drinking, dancing…_

"So things are good?" They were at Faith's this time, cuddled up on the bed, watching TV. She leaned back, considering Angel's question before nodding.

"In a manner of speaking." He moved the popcorn so she could get some, his expression confused.

"What does that mean?"

"He's sweet and funny, and there's this incredible passion." She smiled. "I mean, seriously, he's like an animal the way he-"

"I get it," Angel interrupted. "Animal passion. Moving along."

"Okay, see, that part is great, but… I guess you were right before. About the fighting." She sighed. "He gets jealous, and we fight, sometimes for days. I just wish…"

"What?"

"Why can't it be like this?" He looked at her in surprise. "I mean, we can sit here and watch crap on TV and it's," she shrugged, "easy. You and I, we talk and dance and hang out and I feel like I can just be…me. Why can't it be like that with me and Spike?" She rested her head on his chest with a yawn and closed her eyes. "I guess you're just special." She drifted off to sleep, but Angel remained wide awake, his hand covering hers over his heart.

_Drifting out again and then crashing back in, this one was intense. She felt more a part of it, less like she was watching, more like she was actually there. Like it was happening to her right now. And, man, was it rough._

"You're leaving?" Faith stared at him in shock. "But… where will you go?"

"I was thinking maybe L.A." He didn't quite meet her eyes, and she fumbled for a reason why he couldn't leave. Something besides her desperate need for him to stay.

"What about Buffy? I thought…" He shook his head and turned away.

"That's been over for a long time; you know that. My reasons for staying are gone; I'm just…in the way here."

"You're not in _my way." She reached out to touch his shoulder but drew back without making contact. "I'll…miss you."_

"You can visit whenever you want." He crossed his arms, his gaze lowering to the ground. "Besides you have Spike." She shook her head, unsure of what to say.

"When- when are you leaving?"

"Tonight. Now, actually."

"_Now!" He turned to face her, and she tried not to look as devastated as she felt. "What- I thought… you said you'd always be here for me."_

"I will." He pulled her against him, and she closed her eyes to keep from crying. "If you ever need me – for _anything – just call me, and I'll be there."_

"I still don't understand why you have to go." He pulled back slightly and looked at her, his expression sad.

"It hurts too much, and I keep hoping… If I stayed, it would be for selfish reasons, and I've been selfish enough over the years; I can't do it anymore. Not to someone I love."

"You're talking in riddles." She shook her head. "If you're talking about Buffy, maybe you should just tell her-" He didn't let her finish.

"This is what I have to do, Faith. Don't make it harder than it already is. Please?" He brushed her hair back off her face, his fingers gentle on her cheek, and she nodded. She tried to imagine her days without Angel around, and pain spread through her body. There was an ache in her chest and she felt sick to her stomach. Strange feeling, very unpleasant. So this was what it felt like when your heart broke. She'd been hurt before, disappointed and, she'd thought, heartbroken, but it was nothing compared to this searing pain that engulfed her. Wrapping herself around him, she held on as tight as she could for what seemed like hours. When she felt like she could let go without collapsing she stepped back. He was watching her closely, but she didn't let him see how torn apart she was.

"So then I guess this is goodbye." She looked up and he nodded.

"I guess so." She turned around and walked to the door. Pulling it open, she glanced back but didn't meet is eyes as she whispered,

"Bye." Stepping outside, she dragged in several ragged breaths as she closed the door. She headed back towards town slowly at first, her pace increasing as the tears came until she was running as fast as she could. She was out of breath and sobbing when she found herself outside Spike's crypt banging on the door. She didn't bother explaining what was wrong, but he still held her all night as she sobbed into his pillow. In the morning, she left wordlessly, refusing to tell him what had happened.

_Time passed. Glory came. Angel made a brief appearance and then Glory was gone. A flood of happy images, Anya and Giles getting married, Xander and Cordelia moving in together – less fighting, more sweetness. Buffy's mother still died, but Dawn was there and they got through together. A lot of time spent with Spike as she pulled further away from him day after day._

"We need to talk." Faith glanced up at Spike's serious tone.

"About?" He lit his cigarette and smoked nearly half of it before answering her. He always had to add a touch of the dramatic when he had something important on his mind.

"You know I love you, right?" She nodded, curious despite herself. "You know that you'll always be part of me, always have a special place in my heart?"

"Are you getting ready to dump me?" she asked in shock. "'Cause this sounds like a breakup speech." He shook his head impatiently.

"Will you just answer the bleedin' question?" he snapped. She crossed her arms defensively, her eyes angry, and he softened his tone. "Please?"

"I guess I know that," she answered.

"You know that I would do anything to keep you with me forever, right?"

"Yes. But what does this-"

"Then go to him," Spike interrupted quietly.

"What?"

"You should go to him. I know you want to." She just stared at him, not sure what he was telling her. He looked up and his smile was bittersweet. "He left because he loves you, you know. I could see it every time he looked at you. It's why I was so jealous all the time."

"Spike, he doesn't-" He silenced her with a wave of his hand.

"Shouldn't interrupt a bloke when he's trying to be all noble. I thought maybe when he left that it would work out, that _we would work out. But he's still here. He's still in your heart, and every time you get that faraway look in your eyes, I know you're thinking about him." He glanced up at her, his expression one of sad acceptance. "I know you care about me; I think maybe you even love me a little. But your heart belongs to him, it always has; I only managed to steal you away for a little while. It's not right for me to keep you here when you really want to be with him." She moved to kneel in front of him._

"I do love you, Spike." He leaned forward and kissed her, his mouth moving gently against hers for a moment before pulling away.

"Not the way you love him." Her lip trembled and she bit it hard to make it stop.

"I'm sorry."

"So am I." They sat in silence, watching each other sadly.

"Now what?" Faith asked.

"Now you go to L.A."

_A brief glimpse of the drive and then she was there._

She stood across the street in the rain trying to work up the nerve to go in and knock on his door. He was her best friend, she'd come all this way to see him, and yet here she stood like an idiot. It was stupid really, this nervousness. They had parted as friends; Angel would be glad to see her. She didn't have to tell him _why she was there. She wouldn't burden him with her feelings; Spike might think Angel loved her, but she knew he'd always love Buffy. They had that whole doomed love thing going for them; Faith didn't really think she could compete._

She slicked her hair back from her face. Shaking the water off her hands, she stepped out into the street. Movement from the corner of her eye caught her attention, and she turned to find Angel watching her from the corner across the street. He was soaked and she wondered how long he'd been there without her even noticing. She didn't even remember moving, but suddenly she was right in front of him as they continued to stare at each other silently. Then he spoke,

"Are you really here?" She wondered at the oddness of the question as she nodded.

"How long were you watching me?"

"About an hour." Her eyes widened slightly. "Why were you just standing out here in the rain?" She shrugged, forcing a laugh.

"Didn't know if you felt like company." He took a step toward her.

"Spike come with you?" She looked away, shaking her head.

"We- That's over."

"What? What happened?"

"I wasn't in love with him, at least not the way he wanted." Angel laughed bitterly.

"That's ridiculous. You told me for months how much you loved him; it's the reason I left."

"What are you talking about? I never told you I loved him."

"But you do."

"I care about him, but he's… not who I want to be with." Angel moved closer and Faith realized what he had said. "Wait. You left because I loved Spike?" Instead of answering her, he asked his own question,

"Who _do you want to be with?" The air around them felt charged as she glanced up, and suddenly, as she looked into his eyes, she saw it. What he'd been hiding for so long, why he'd been so distant about Spike, why he'd left. She closed the distance between them, putting her hands on his chest. He watched her, his expression cautious. Sliding her arms around his neck, she said,_

"You. I love you." For a moment she thought she'd completely misread him, and then his arms were around her, his hands moving on her back as he took her mouth in a kiss that stole her breath and made her weak. She strained to be closer, her fingers moving over his face then into his hair. He broke away, leaning his forehead against hers as he sighed.

"I've waited so long to hear you say that." She smiled.

"Were you planning on returning the favor any time soon?" He closed his eyes briefly then opened them to look at her.

"I love you." She wiggled closer and rested her head on his shoulder. They were silent for a moment and then Faith said,

"Just so you know, I'm okay with the curse. I mean, not that I don't want to, 'cause I do, but I don't have to. Just being with you is," she sighed, "more than I ever hoped for."

"We need to talk about that." He tucked her into his side and moved toward the building. "Why don't we go in and get dried off, and then we'll talk."

"Okay."

Once inside she headed for the bathroom while Angel went to change in his room. Drying her hair as best she could, she stripped out of her wet clothes and wrapped a towel around herself. She peeked into the living room, but Angel was still changing so she hurried in and grabbed a blanket. Dropping the towel, she snuggled into the blanket and settled down on the couch.

As she waited for Angel, her thoughts drifted and she closed her eyes. She felt so safe and loved here; everything seemed so peaceful and calm. She had always felt this way with him. She wondered why it had taken her so long to recognize and identify the feeling. Home. When she was with Angel she was finally home. Shifting on the couch, she smiled as she drifted off to sleep.

_As the other her fell asleep, Faith found herself watching as Angel came in and found her. He tenderly caressed her cheek, a smile on his face, and then he carried her in to sleep in his room. He tucked her in as though she were a child, pulling the sheets up over her and then dropping a kiss on her hair. Then he went and slept on the couch._

_Everything faded away and she was in the void again. She floated there for a moment, unsure of what might happen next. Slowly she began to be able to see, there seemed to be some sort of light growing in brightness around her. Then she saw Eliana._

_"What's going on?" The woman came closer and Faith grew nervous. Maybe Eliana was here to blink her out of existence or whatever. That was, after all, the choice she had made. At least Angel was happy; she could deal with death knowing that._

_"The memories were not painful this time, were they?"_

_"Memories? No, no pain, but… what's going on? Why am I here?"_

_"This is your reward." Faith regarded her in confusion._

_"Floating in nothing is my reward? I thought Angel's soul was my reward." Her eyes widened. "You did give him his soul, right?" Eliana nodded._

_"That was a very selfless thing you did, sacrificing yourself for Angel." Faith thought about what she had seen._

_"It was worth it."_

_"And so you are rewarded." Faith glanced up. "We had high hopes when we gave you the choice, and you exceeded every one of them."_

_"Wait. You mean… I still get to go back?"_

_"That's what the memories are for." Eliana stepped forward reaching out to touch Faith's forehead. "Good luck." And then everything went black._

She woke slowly, her mind still adjusting to the new memories. Her eyelids fluttered open; the room was dark, but she noticed Angel had lit a candle so she'd be able to see when she woke. She stretched languidly, enjoying the feel of silk against her skin and relishing the feeling of being back. He was in for quite a surprise; she hoped he liked it. Relaxing against the pillows, she closed her eyes and caught the smell of brewing coffee. She felt the mattress dip as he sat down next to her. He stroked her cheek, and she smiled, opening her eyes.

"Good sleep?" he asked. Her smile widened.

"I dreamt this." He grinned, thinking she was still half asleep.

"It's not a dream; you're really here." She laced her fingers with his and moved a little closer to him.

"No, that night we saved Giles. I dreamt about this that night at the mansion. That's why I couldn't sleep. Remember?"

"Faith, how did you know-" His eyes widened. "Faith?" She sat up, lifting her hand to stroke his face.

"It's me. Or I'm her. Whatever. Either way, I remember everything. I have her memories and mine." He pulled her close, his arms tight around her.

"Where did you go?"

"They gave me a choice; I could go home, or I could get your soul for you. I chose the soul." He shook his head.

"You shouldn't have done that. You shouldn't have made that kind of sacrifice for me."

"I wanted to, and you're worth it. I just wanted you to be happy." She smiled. "I guess they were hoping that's what I'd do, because they sent me back to you. It's my reward." He laughed, his eyes suspiciously bright.

"That's a hell of a reward." Faith moved to press her lips to his, and heat licked through her body. Angel's hands stroked down her back, flattening her against his chest, and she shivered at the sensation of his hands on her bare flesh. She shifted and the sheet dropped into her lap, reminding her that she was naked. Pulling away slightly, she grasped his shirt, moving backwards as she pulled him up to lay with her. He leaned up to look at her, trailing his fingers down her body in a feather light caress, and Faith trembled. "God, you're beautiful." Curling her hand around the back of his neck, she pulled him towards her. She met him halfway in a hungry kiss fueled by months of restrained passion; years for him.

Her hands moved over his back as she brought her leg up to brush against his hip. And suddenly his hands were everywhere, stroking her long and slow, heating her desire to a fever pitch. She moved against him, tugging at his shirt and he pulled away just long enough to strip off his clothes. She pulled him back to her, trailing a string of openmouthed kisses along his jaw and down his neck before returning to his mouth. His hand slid down her leg and then back up, moving against her in an intimate caress, making her moan in pleasure.

She felt like she was on fire and she wasn't sure she could take much more. She shoved him hard, flipping him onto his back before moving to straddle him. The corner of his mouth kicked up in a devilish grin, and she leaned down to bite his lip. She pulled back teasingly, but he tugged her back into a heated embrace. They devoured each other, mouths meeting hungrily, hands sliding over sensitized flesh as she moved on him. He shifted, sliding into her, and she gasped, tossing her head back in pleasure. Angel reached up, his knuckles tenderly brushing her cheek, and her head tilted forward as she leaned into his touch. Faith watched his face as they slowly rocked together. God, he was beautiful! The look on his face, that fire in his eyes. How had she lived all her life without this, without him?

His gaze caught and held her – _how did he do that? – and she felt her need spiral and tighten. She moved on him, her hands clutching at his arms as she stretched toward a seemingly unreachable goal, and then suddenly, she was there. Sensation exploded through her body as light flared behind her eyes, and she thought she might pass out. Then Angel was holding her firmly in his arms, anchoring her, and she watched in wonder as he followed her into oblivion._

As she drifted back down to earth, Angel rolled to the side, cradling her against his body. His hands moved soothingly over her back as she pressed soft kisses to his chest. She hooked a leg over his hip, needing to be as close to him as possible, and he pulled the sheet up over them. She looked up at him, running her hand through his hair.

"That was… there are…no words." He kissed her, just the barest hint of pressure, and then he smiled.

"Like I said, hell of a reward." She laughed into his shoulder, and his arms tightened around her. For the first time in her life she felt like everything was going to be okay.

THE END

_I struggled with this chapter a little bit because the format was different than the previous ones, plus it's the longest one I've ever written. I hope I captured it just right for you guys. Thanks a bunch for all the reviews._


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